Need help

AnotherDAM · 2014-03-25T07:51:06+00:00

$150K+/year job and you are seeking help on reddit???
I feel for you, I hope you well, maintain a skeptical attitude, and ...
get a lawyer, not today but yesterday.

Bartab · 2014-03-25T08:19:38+00:00

She refused to get a paternity test if it is born.

Nope. Doesn't work that way. Engage a lawyer, especially at your income. You can refute a claim of paternity for a limited period of time after being notified / after birth.

The exact time period varies depending on state (I presume the US) from as little as 3 days to 6 months, but the clock doesn't start until birth.

but I do not want a child

Then don't participate, at least not until after a paternity test. Your best bet is to make it absolutely clear that even if the child is yours she will not be a part of your life. Offer to pay for her abortion, but otherwise don't pay a single dime of her medical costs, as that can be grounds of being a presumed father. In fact, other than for an abortion don't give her money for anything. Don't buy her coffee. Don't pay for a taxi to the hospital. Don't buy her pre-natal vitamins or anything that could be construed as 'accepting responsibility'

Paternity tests can't be completed until after birth, but you can file a dispute over paternity before birth, which is why you need a local lawyer now. If you dispute the claim within the legal period you have no responsibility until the test is done, finds you to be the genetic father, and a court orders that you pay.

MaestroLogical · 2014-03-25T09:55:27+00:00

Sounds to me like this is the common ploy of "I'm preggers, take me back" that turns into "Well I miscarried, but hey at least it brought us back together!" in a week or two.

rightsbot · 2014-03-25T07:30:16+00:00

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Juan_Golt · 2014-03-25T22:36:15+00:00

She refused to get a paternity test if it is born.

You can still get a test with a court order. Since you are unmarried, you have the right to a paternity test if she claims you are the father. Additionally you can file a paternity suit yourself and seek a court ordered paternity test. Do not sign any birth certificate or acknowledgement of paternity without a test.

What can I do?

For now, not much. When the baby is born you should take an active approach. Don't let her exploit you by holding things over your head. File a paternity suit and get a test. Answer the paternity question immediately then develop a parenting plan. The guys that get crushed are the ones who never go to court because they are afraid of upsetting the ex. Fathers that try to placate the ex with favors/money to avoid court end up in a very weak position.

That said. Somethings fishy here. If I were you, I'd want to see some proof of pregnancy. Something doesn't add up. She is both refusing a paternity test and refusing your ability to meet with a doctor who could confirm the pregnancy. I'm trying to see this situation from her perspective. If she's pregnant and doesn't want you involved, or wants to try and take you to the cleaners financially, then why did she call you at all?

This strikes me as more of a desperate cry for attention.

aussietoads · 2014-03-26T00:37:33+00:00

Definitely get a court ordered paternity test when the child is born. Do not under any circumstance sign anything admitting paternity, do not re establish any sort of relationship with her, and do not give her a single cent until after (your) paternity has been established.

Title	Need help
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	11
Date	March 25, 2014 7:30 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/21b0aa/need-help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/need-help.1615698 https://theredarchive.com/post/1615698

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