Please help me.

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2013-04-20T02:22:50+00:00

I want to make sure that you are feeling ok right now. Seriously. I know things can be tough. But if you can imagine when things will be better, then all you need to do is work to that goal. Surviving every day is the hardest part, but that's all you really need to do. Just make it to that day.

It will take time. And at some points, you will have to be selfish and spend time and money on yourself instead of your wife and child.

I suggest that you make yourself a safe space. A 1 hour time slot every day where you can do whatever the hell you want. This is a time where no one can bother you. No phone calls, no texts, no working, no chores. It's YOU time. And you can look forward to that every day.

At some points, you will be working so hard that you will literally just be going through the motions until all of the work is done. But you can't do that for half a year straight. You need something to look forward to in the short-term.

The hardest thing is to help yourself. And that's what your goal should be.

My personal advice to you is to start eliminating potential problems in your life.

Make sure that your wife and child are both eating properly and both getting enough sleep every day (7-8 hours)
Make sure that you are sleeping 7-8 hours and eating properly every day. (just make stirfrys with veggies and meat. You can't make a bad stirfry, those just don't exist)
Make sure that you have some kind of system set up with her parents so that they can't spring anything unexpected on you. Just get rid of uncertainty.
Make sure that your wife loves and cherishes you. If she doesn't, it's my personal advice that you temporarily emotionally disconnect from her so that these issues don't hurt your emotionally. Go into that ex-girlfriend type feeling mode and just go through the motions in life. Because I know how devastated you will be if something goes down and it hurts you emotionally. You can reconnect when things are better (how long could it take? A couple of months at most I think.)

Redditishorrible · 2013-04-20T07:03:10+00:00

I won't lie.

If you fight for custody, they will beat you over the head with the attempted suicide/checked into mental hospital bit.

2013-04-20T15:35:38+00:00

I seem to tell a version of this story every time a father posts something about divorce and his son. My parents divorced when I was 5. I had visitation with my dad from 9am to 7pm every Saturday. From the time I was 5 until I went away for college, he only missed 3 days. He made sure that time together was just for us. He was constantly teaching me things, passing on his knowledge and wisdom, and making sure I had lots of new experiences. He did his best to keep me out of any disagreements between him and my mother even though she made this hard for him. He never spoke ill of her even though the opposite was not true.

We may not have had as much time together as the children of married couples, but that time was ours. I am closer with my father than any of my friends and I would not be the man that I am today without him raising me.

When I was older, my father told me when getting home after dropping me off he would cry sometimes because he missed me so much. Your son needs you. He needs your guidance and your love. It will not be easy. It will hurt. In the end, it will be worth it when you see the man you have helped raise. Don't miss out on that. Don't let your son miss out on that.

rightsbot · 2013-04-20T02:02:17+00:00

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deathmangos · 2013-04-20T03:33:43+00:00

First of all, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Are you getting a divorce or has she asked for one? Have you tried to speak with a lawyer?

Collective82 · 2013-04-20T13:46:16+00:00

do something the Army calls backwards planning. set a goal and then plan step by step how to get there from end to beginning and work at that goal. Best of luck and you are not alone, if you need some one to talk to we are here for you.

chavelah · 2013-04-20T21:26:41+00:00

You and your wife went through something really stressful together - involuntary unemployment, losing home and cars, a bad situation living with family, your attempted suicide...

... your instinct that she is waiting for you to fall off the cliff again so that she can get rid of you is probably correct. She is probably imagining that she and her child are better off with another, more reliable person siting in the Daddy chair at their house, and that your son won't be harmed by your absence if it happens when he's young enough and she allows her terrible experience with you to help her make a wiser choice in a stepdad. That's not fair - here you are working and paying substantial child support, pursuing hobbies, staying mentally stable, bringing your son back safe and happy every time you have visitation. But it's a normal human response, to want to get rid of your "crazy ex" and have a nice, neat, life without him/her. The difference is, family court will not support a father is cutting off his wife who had an episode of crazy and got locked up for a weekend, assuming that there are not multiple other problems. Family court WILL support a mother who decides to go down that road. Because women are human beings, not ethereal virtuous angels, the knowledge that it's possible to excise a badly chosen spouse is always going to pose some level of temptation.

It's time for you to retain a lawyer and proceed with your divorce and get everything formalized. Let the courts decide how much you are going to pay. Let the courts decide the custody schedule. You are never, ever going to get half custody of a child in a Florida jurisdiction as a 23-year-old man with a psych record. You may well not end up paying less than you do now. But you can get resolution and definite parameters set, minimize future liability, and begin to heal and move forward and build a relationship with your son in the time that you do have with him.

Title	Please help me.
Author	Oshimaiden
Upvotes	37
Comments	18
Date	April 20, 2013 2:01 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/1cptbz/please-help-me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/please-help-me.1610969 https://theredarchive.com/post/1610969

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