I am a heterosexual German Male, in my early 30's. I never had a relationship and lost many years due to mental illness. (Which also means I didn't try to get into a relationship, with the exception of one time when I was fifteen). A female therapist has helped me over the years. I'm currently finishing my Master's degree and have long yearned for nothing more than a relationship. I wanted someone to talk to, have sex with and have a good time and give someone the same support I wanted to receive.

I have always taken an interest in some male-specific issues and have been annoyed by the more shrill feminists. Still, since I don't like social media that much, I have generally avoided reddit (which counts as social media to me).

Reading through this sub has been an experience to say the least. I have to say that I can't really argue with many issues raised here and the problems men face and the risks relationships bring with them. It seems that aside from the "honeymoon phase" (first months) of a relationship, the risk of female partners destroying instead your mental health instead of being a protective barrier against deterioration becomes too great. I now feel like an idiot. I was probably too naive.

I especially appreciate the various threads dealing with the feminist strawman of "nice guys". I had similiar thoughts like many posters have had about this issue. At least being "too nice" is not something I have ever been accused of. More like "sometimes abrasive and a little paranoid". Stems from myself having not the amount of assertiveness I would have liked to have during childhood and my formative years. I've been hitting the gym for a while now (but I often fall back on my traing schedule because of depression sometimes still kicking in). And have been playfully called crazy because of my love for cold showers. Well, I guess at least these two stereotypical suggestions for "incels" I have already implemented. Oh boy, and I hate nothing more than not being snappy. Which makes reddit a hellhole, because anyone here seems to have an arsenal of quick-witted comebacks available to them.

Anyway. My impression is that many modern interpretation of problems between the sexes stem from the fact that there is a strong incentive for some influential participants in the public debate to refuse to attribute any kind of negative traits towards women in general. Reddit being basically a chess pool of "Wannabe-witty-smart-ass-kids" with leftist attitudes.

On the other hand, I don't know for sure if this place itself skews a little bit too much towards emphasizing negative experiences. I don't mean to deny that many people here have had extremely negative experiences with women.

I would say that this sub raises many issues which certainly won't be discussed in other places and for that I consider it a net positive. But it also showed me how many of my wishes will probably never come true or that women can be your most ardent enemy. Is it a net positive for me personally reading here? That's the question. You sometimes get the impression that more than half of women are walking red flags and will either divorce you when you at your lowest point or defame you publicly if you do something they don't like.

I haven't told my therapist about this place yet. She thinks I'm pretty good-looking actually (though I'm only 5'8 so this won't count for anything) and I am making progress when it comes to social activities and interactions. She wants me to try dating apps from spring onwards. Oh boy, I think she's overestimating their benefit towards someone like me because her female friends have been using them successfully...

Still, it's an interesting place and I wanted to post my thoughts about it. Maybe this post has not much of worth, but I still wanted to share it because the accumulated insights I got from here are worth pondering and will probably keep me thinking for a while. Kind regards.