Crosspost "Womens’ support systems are not “given” to us, we build them and maintain them through A LOT of work. Support systems do not come “easy” to anyone!" from /r/TwoXChromosomes:

Kind of tired of all the posts of how “women have it so easy, they’re given support systems and men are left high and dry, no one cares about mens’ suffering etc etc”

No one gives a crap about anyone’s suffering in general. Humans are selfish animals. Women are socialized to care more about others’ feelings and other’s perceptions of themselves, and are raised to be more empathetic and caring (sorry if this does not fit your cultural experience but I am generalizing). We are raised to upkeep our familial relationships and friendships even when stuff gets uncomfortable or inconvenient for us, for better or worse. The vast majority of women have to unlearn at some age how to identify and let go of toxic relationships, many women can relate with being “emotional doormats”, most women have a story of being too empathetic and being abused or manipulated in return. We’ve been socialized for this behavior, and one positive side effect of this is that we have better support systems because we actually maintain and give emotional support.

I often see men on reddit talking how no one checks up on them, no one talks to them about their feelings. I have to ask them, do you reach out to those same people? Or do you only talk to them when you need something? Life is reciprocal, you can’t expect to receive when you don’t give. It sucks to say but if you want a support system, you have to build it and maintain it. It’s really hard honestly, a lot of times people won’t reciprocate to the level you want. Maybe your family is full of assholes, maybe your friends are selfish. Building a healthy, reciprocal support network is hard for everyone. You actually have to genuinely care about others to get help yourself. If you want someone to help you but you don’t want to listen to their problems, go pay a therapist.

EDIT: I’m here for any of y’all if you want to talk. I recognize nowadays is even more difficult with the pandemic and all, and sometimes even hard effort doesn’t yield the results we want. Plus, there are additional barriers (autism, disability) to relationships that I didn’t address that are important to the conversation.

Posted by ghengis_convict | 16 February 2021 | Link