Purplepill Finance

sanslumiere · 2024-11-19T20:58:17+00:00

I wouldn't blend finances in a relationship without marriage. Keep everything separate if there's no legal commitment. In marriage, I'm a big advocate of blending finances, especially if kids are involved. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-42962-001

As it is I am married and had kids. All finances are merged. We discuss financial topics regularly to make sure we're on the same page, and we run purchases by each other. He lets me manage all of our retirement accounts because I like to do it, but he checks a couple times a year to make sure things look OK. We both have access to all banks, credit cards, investments.

My parents have been happily married for decades, and their accounts were always blended, as were my father's parents and my mother's parents, all of whom remained together until death. It's all I know, honestly.

CatallaxyRanch · 2024-11-19T20:57:15+00:00

"A committed relationship" and a marriage are two different things. A marriage literally joins two people into a single financial unit. Even if you keep your money in separate bank accounts, if you're married, it still legally belongs to both of you.

Obviously couples can handle this however they want and everyone's situation is different. But there comes a point of entanglement where keeping everything separate and splitting 50/50 just doesn't make a lot of sense.

I am married with two kids. My husband and children are on my health insurance, which is deducted from my paycheck every month. If my husband and I had separate finances, would he owe me for his part of the insurance and half of the kids'? If he were to lose his job, would I keep a running tab of the expenses I covered so that he could pay me back once he's employed again? I'm on maternity leave and getting paid half my salary right now -- would we adjust amount owed for bills accordingly, or is that on me for deciding to have a baby knowing I'd have to take leave? If that new pair of shoes for the toddler wasn't strictly necessary, does my husband owe me for half or does that come out of my discretionary spending?

To me, keeping everything separate and dividing up expenses like roommates just fundamentally doesn't jive with what marriage is. It seems like keeping everything separate and splitting costs would lead to more arguments about money, because it's something you have to constantly discuss. When it all comes from the same pot, you don't think about it.

We have one joint account, both of our paychecks go into it automatically, and we both have full access to all of the money. We have a savings goal we contribute to every month, and after bills and savings, everything else is discretionary. We have a rule that expenses over $200 need to be discussed. We've been doing it like this for 7 years and literally never argue about money. I've been told that some people are more comfortable keeping separate discretionary spending accounts so they don't feel bad about spending "family money" on their own hobbies, which seems silly to me since ultimately it's all the same money either way. But if that's what works for people that's none of my business.

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Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-11-19T21:11:19+00:00

So the way I understand is a married couple is supposed to have a joint account and joint credit cards and joint cars and all that co-mingled finances stuff

No?

Like, my parents have been married 21 years and being together for a total of 26,and have separate accounts and just split costs 50/50

LowCreddit · 2024-11-19T21:12:07+00:00

I had a wife. We kept separate bank accounts split the bills 50/50. Things worked fairly well. (We were middle-class childless couple in major city in a house MCOL)

This is the way to do it, although it doesn't have to be a 50/50 split. A lot of times the husband will pay more of the bills because the wife doesn't make as much and they both want nicer things. Joint accounts cause more problems than they fix in my opinion.

How is it supposed to work if one spouse/SO doesn't work to take care of children????

I am the sole breadwinner of the family. All of our income goes into a joint account which has automatic transfers to bills, savings, and two personal accounts. Once a year, we sit down and discuss the budget together and adjust the transfers if necessary.

Title	Purplepill Finance
Author	ACE_Overlord
Upvotes	1
Comments	8
Date	November 19, 2024 3:05 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gunfn9/purplepill_finance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/purplepill-finance.1536287 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536287

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