No matter if it was standing up to a bully or completing something challenging, it did not make me feel like I was a better man, more masculine or confident

Now on some days where I am feeling good I do think I do come off as pretty confident as I have been told that a lot but I am Melancholy a lot

Ever since I was a young man I was so confused about building up confidence because it seems like something that you were just born with.

Of course now that I'm older I know that's not true but especially when it comes to self-improvement and working hard I don't get the narrative that all of that's just supposed to make you feel better

Which is what I have been really hoping for in these last couple years because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that you're not really guaranteed love and respect no matter how good or confident or successful you are

I was probably the most outgoing of my group of friends in high school and yet I was the one who still was constantly rejected while my friends who literally did not do anything in high school kept getting more and more success.

And that's good for them but you can see why I can't really agree with a lot of the narratives the blue and the red pill state

A couple years back I was a major gym rat and I don't regret doing it but I can't really say that it made me more confident or made me feel better