Confidence issues

UpTanks · 2022-06-02T08:25:19+00:00

What you're describing with the confidence and struggling with women is quite common - even rampant. Guys in their late 20s-early 30s killing it in all aspects of life except dating, confused as to why girls go after dudes who are just your average joe, or even worse etc..

as of late she's been passing by without saying a quick hello

What do you mean? Do you say "hey", smile and she completely ignores you?

But somehow I just don't get it with girls.

How do you talk to women? The first and most important thing is understanding and accepting that women are different to men. Women are feminine, men are masculine. No if's buts, exceptions or egalitarian heresies, it is what it is. Let girls be girls and boys be boys.

Women want to be feminine (despite what feminists will have you believe), and men want to be masculine. So how do you allow a woman to get into her feminine while you talk to/spend time with her? And how do you get into your masculine frame while you're there?

I'll let you answer those Q's. Idc if you get it wrong btw its just to get you thinking in these terms.

My confidence has taken a severe hit lately.

For the Lord will be your confidence.

How would you describe yourself in fight or flight situations? As in, confrontations or fights? Disagreements with people in business or while driving etc. Is your instinct to flee or confront people? I believe there's a connection between this and approaching women.

That butterfly, sinking, light headed feeling when you see a girl you want to talk to, but you're too scared to make the approach. Does this sound familiar? If so, we can definitely work on that.

I hope this is just all in my head

Its in your head.

Deep_Strength · 2022-06-02T11:48:12+00:00

Today, sometimes I feel like a changed young man. I tried to improve everywhere I could: I started lifting weights 4 years ago, went on Accutane to get rid of Acne which worked awesome (I still have scars from acne but some of theme are starting to fade away slowly) I have better facial skin now than ever before, I got braces last year (I still have them but my teeth are starting to look better already), started dressing up better and wearing perfume and deodorant. All in all, I'm really trying to improve anywhere I can at least physically.

Like it or not. a lot is based on first impression physically. If appearance is still improving slowly with the scars going away, skin clearing up, braces, and so on then it will improve.

Also, be careful with accutane. There's a plethora of bad side effects even if it seems like it helps. Might want to look into something else. It's basically a mega-dose of vitamin A (isoretinin - retinin is retinol which is vitamin A) and fat soluble vitamins overdosed are potentially dangerous.

However, more often times than not, it feels like my past comes back around to bite me. I genuinely believe this is just all in my head, but I feel like no girl likes me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've been working on my social skills (my Myers-Briggs personality is INTP) ever since I left high school: I'm more comfortable speaking in public and engaging people. But somehow I just don't get it with girls.

This attitude is killing your ability to be fun and engaging which is self defeating.

So, I met this girl at her graduation party two weeks ago and I was able to have a nice conversation with her and her friend. We've met again a couple times since and she seemed friendly and everything, but as of late she's been passing by without saying a quick hello. To be honest, I'm not really interested in her anyways I would just strike a conversation whenever she would be inviting, but now it's like I'm not even around.

Women rarely initiate hellos with most men unless you are close friends. Someone she met a few times and spoke with? It's all background noise. You're expecting something that isn't normal.

If she was super interested in the first place but cooled over time you likely missed your window of opportunity to ask her out or whatever. If you didn't pull the trigger then women generally lose interest.

Now my brain is telling me "she thinks you are interested in her and now she wants to make sure you get the hint that you're not good enough". Of course, this could just be my brain over-thinking it but I've never had any romantic success with women before and I think it's about time women start showing at least some interest in me. I mean I've worked on as much as I could and I tried to make progress where ever I was lacking but nothing seems to be enough. What's infuriating is that the guys getting girlfriends/married are pretty decent normal dudes. I'm not saying I'm better but I should be at least on par with them, given I'm the more mature/established man as I'm one of the oldest of the young adults group and most of them are still in college trying to figure out life.

I don't know what else to do. My confidence has taken a sever hit lately. I hope this is just all in my head and that I need to work on my personality but I don't think that's the case.

This is peak beating yourself up for no reason.

Stop doing insane mental gymnastics when you haven't even asked any women out. If you ask out a dozen women and they all said no then there might be something worth considering about your approach and how you handle yourself, but until then no stupid self rationalizations.

Outcome independence. You want someone who is interested in you, and you interested in her. The rest is nothing you should worry about. If someone actually rejects you, then it's simply one more person that is not a good fit for you. Great. Let's analyze the approach and see what you could have done better and move on to see if another woman fits.

Stop trying to be a mind reader and actually ask women out.

plaudite_cives · 2022-06-02T07:25:07+00:00

What's infuriating is that the guys getting girlfriends/married are pretty decent normal dudes. I'm not saying I'm better but I should be at least on par with them, given I'm the more mature/established man as I'm one of the oldest of the young adults group and most of them are still in college trying to figure out life.

Some RP people say that confidence beats everything. Many men here are all about weightlifting etc, but imho as long as you are reasonably fit it doesn't really matter - the important thing is that helps you gain confidence in your own skills

Your confidence issues are understandable but what women think of you doesn't matter, what matters is that you were bought for a great price.

And regarding women? Your social skills probably suck. If you're a bad salesman you'll have problem to sell even a great product. So work on that, speak to people without caring what they think of you, maybe join toastmasters, some christian group (maybe bible study) would be good too.

Praexology · 2022-06-02T13:36:11+00:00

u/RockNRollChuck

Username and post check

SnooRobots5509 · 2022-06-07T13:05:06+00:00

You should probably look for someone sharing your values. Ideally, you and your partner should have similar stances on all "controversial" aspects of life.

This wasn't as important in the past, but nowadays it's a must.

You can be the most handsome, achieved man in the world, but at this age (26+) that won't mean much to a woman, if you're a conservative and she's anything other.

Another "problem" is that conservative men have a smaller pool of women to choose from, unlike liberal men, for whom the pool is much bigger (this is ofc due to ratios). So the competition among conservative men is a bit fiercer. That might be part of the reason why you see "average" men having girlfriends, why you yourself don't.

For example, vegan women have to fight over vegan men, because the ratio is smth like 10 to 1. If a vegan man is single, it is most likely by his own choice.

WhereProgressIsMade · 2022-06-03T17:20:39+00:00

Confidence is arguably the most important thing to have in regards to getting and maintaining a healthy romantic relationship with a woman.

About 20 years ago, I got frustrated with the typical advice given to guys to "just be yourself", "be nice to them", "share your feelings". It wasn't working for me. After digging around the internet, I ran into different guys saying to ignore what women say they want, and they claimed to have some answers as to what women actually responded to with their actions. Each had their own flavor, but they all emphasized confidence was key. Many recommended just faking it as best you could and eventually it would start coming naturarlly.

So I did. It was rough at first, but I started getting 2nd dates finally and I practiced. If a gal seemed instereted me, I'd date her at least for a bit to get practice in. Not too long; I didn't want to lead her on. By the time I took my wife out on our first date, it came naturally. She even said several months later that one of the things she liked most about me when we first started dating was how confident I was.

TLDR: fake it till you make it.

strshp_enterprise · 2022-06-04T12:09:05+00:00

But somehow I just don't get it with girls.

Your first problem is this: externalizing your issue. More than likely, oozing entitlement…

What's infuriating is that the guys getting girlfriends/married are pretty decent normal dudes. I'm not saying I'm better but I should be at least on par with them, given I'm the more mature/established man as I'm one of the oldest of the young adults group and most of them are still in college trying to figure out life.

This is an unbelievably toxic mindset to have. You’re comparing yourself to guys you truly think you’re better than. I’ll be honest, after reading your post you come off as an immature guy who simply doesn’t understand dating with deep seated insecurity issues.

Title	Confidence issues
Author	SweetEmotion9954
Upvotes	9
Comments	33
Date	June 2, 2022 5:49 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/v31xi9/confidence_issues/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/confidence-issues.1117604 https://theredarchive.com/post/1117604

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