Developing charm?

redwall92 · 2019-10-14T16:31:02+00:00

You're 19, and you lack charm. You could be saying that at 39. Good on you for wanting it.

My advice? Looks like you're a frequent flyer her on the reddits. Stop that. You're not going to learn charm here on the reddit. Get out and do something you enjoy doing. If it's fun, then people will want to join you. Or find someone doing something fun. Join them. Meetup for example. Spend more time being outgoing, and you'll become outgoing. Look at the awkwardness you'll experience as a potential for personal growth.

And have fun.

OsmiumZulu · 2019-10-14T17:45:53+00:00

Charm can be developed. In a nutshell, charm is a focused humor.

Plays on words, delivery timing, mild teasing, double (or even triple) entendres, self assured cockiness / mastery, irony, etc. All of these are essential elements of both comedy and charm.

Spend time with funny people, listen to stand up comics (especially older ones that couldn’t rely on cheap stunts and vulgarity for their acts), watch classic movies, etc.

Charm is a subtle confident humor and a sense of humor and comedic skills can be developed and mastered. If you listen to the most successful comedians talk about their craft most of them had to work very hard to hone their skills; they weren’t true naturals.

Red-Curious · 2019-10-14T18:04:19+00:00

I wrote a post on SMV and long hanging fruit. If my break-down is even remotely close, 1/10 of your SMV is dedicated not to charm alone, but "charm, personality, charisma, wit, etc." My guess is that you already have at least 1/2 a point there, as most guys do. It's one of the few things that guys are at least given the green-light by culture to utilize in the sexual marketplace. The other 1/2 point that you may not have is the seductive aspect of how you utilize your personality/charm/charisma/wit.

From your post history, though, I'm guessing the problem isn't charm, but frame. You clearly don't have an abundance mentality. Your posts also show that you over-think things. You also don't seem to have hobbies of your own. Personally, I don't take "watching sports" as a hobby unless you are actually going to the games frequently. Watching the Sixers on your couch is no different to a girl than watching the latest Netflix release on your couch. No-abundance and over-thinking leads to a lack of confidence, which leads to a poor frame.

I made a comment recently to /u/skimthedross about how Rambo gets used a lot as a "what not to do with your frame" kind of thing, but there isn't as much proposed on what TO DO with your frame. I suggested Jim Carey - especially from The Mask when he's got the mask on.

Highly sexual (constant kino, flirting, etc.)
People can be shooting bullets at him and he just laughs (amused mastery)
He overcomes hostility by exaggerating what the other person says/does (A&A)
Has no problem noticing other girls, even in front of the one he's interested in (dread)
He initiates with anyone and everyone, but on his terms (leadership, frame)

I could keep going, but you get the idea. It's not a perfect example, as there are certainly some blue parts to the mask too, but it at least shows enough good examples of what these concepts look like in practice to be worth the attention.

Whatever the case, you need to find someone with real life examples to look at and model. As /u/redwall92 said, you can't get this from Reddit, so a movie reference is the best I can give you. Jeremy Jordan's role in The Last Five Years is another good example of a guy who, while holding blue pill ideologies and being a validation-seeker, expresses many red pill qualities throughout the movie that are worth a watch. I believe I referenced "The Schmuel Song" as the best example I've seen on film of pulling a woman into your frame and amused mastery.

Long story short, your problem isn't lack of charm. It's lack of frame. To get there ...

Start with getting a decent mission going and create a plan for what you want to have accomplished in the next 1, 3, and 5 years. Make sure it involves disciple-making.
Then begin initiating with women often, using your mission as the context for an invitation. "I'm trying to build a ministry for God's Kingdom. Here's something I'm doing. You mind helping me out?"
You will face a lot of rejection - but this rejection should INCREASE your confidence, not decrease it. If you develop confidence through successes, your confidence only lasts while you are successful. If you develop it by immunizing yourself against failure, the confidence can never be broken.
Once you have confidence in the face of rejection, you can start having fun with rejection. It becomes amusing (yes, this is part of amused mastery). There was an episode of Brooklyn 99 a season or two ago where this hot girl shows up at a crime scene. They all note that she's so far out of their league that it was certain to result in rejection. So, instead of taking it seriously, they made a joke of asking her out. Sure enough, the dorky guy who initiated got accepted. Yeah, this is fiction, but there's some truth there. Having fun in the face of rejection is attractive.
When you learn to have fun in life, and bad things happening to you (like rejection) can't break your fun attitude, you will have frame.
When you have a fun frame (and not merely a strong one), you will inherently be witty and charming.

But you have to start with step 1 to get there. You can't skip straight to having a fun frame. It won't work. And you must ACTUALLY become immunized to rejection, not just faking it. So, go get rejected a lot.

Rifleshoot · 2019-10-14T20:29:58+00:00

I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of people use the term introvert as a crutch to justify their lack of social activity. I used to be one of them. The best way to develop charm is to just go be with people and maintain an infectiously positive spirit. Charm is basically a personality comprised of positivity and good humor. You’ve never met a charming pessimist because he doesn’t exist. Obviously, you can’t force yourself to feel positivity when you please, but you absolutely CAN fake it. Eventually, that false positivity becomes real positivity. Be an eternal optimist. And why not be optimistic? We are saved by Christ, after all. What do we have to worry about when we are held by the Lord?

And in RP terms, a charming man is someone with unshakeable frame that draws people in. That’s the optimist part. If your frame is always positive, people will want to be part of it. People and events will of course try and shake it, but if you are unwavering in that positivity and you hold that frame, come what may, then you will be charming.

Obviously, this is easier said than done. It takes practice and conscious effort to effect real change in your personality. It feels like you are faking it, right up until the point that it doesn’t.

you_who_sleep · 2019-10-14T17:04:53+00:00

It depends. some people aren’t charismatic, I have no real charm or charisma in me at all. I’m introverted and serious and have a very focused energy about me, women love this as well. They love the mystery and the private ambition they see in my life. I’m driven but I don’t boast about it. I’m quiet but I’m small groups I can open up.

The truth is, you will attract and be attracted to certain personality types more than others, and the natural attractions are generally a better fit for you than the ones who you attract when you are out there pretending to be someone your not.

All I’m saying is know who you are, and use that as the platform to grow from. I failed a lot trying to be someone else. Maybe take the Myers Briggs personality test and start there.

mrpmonk · 2019-10-15T12:41:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Developing charm?
Author	Billy_King
Upvotes	5
Comments	14
Date	October 14, 2019 4:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/dhsq30/developing_charm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/developing-charm.301078 https://theredarchive.com/post/301078

Comments