"He who disdains instruction despises himself, but he who heeds correction gains understanding." Proverbs 15:32

So a guy recently joined the discord.

In his own words, he described living with a woman who:

  • Calls him ugly
  • Is "a monster 25% of the time"
  • Weighs 270lbs
  • Is addicted to TikTok
  • Blames him for her being fat
  • Hasn't had sex with him since the honeymoon 3 years ago
  • Shoved him, blocked his path, succeeded in bullying and intimidating him into not leaving the room (this happened literally while we were talking to him on discord)

Here's what we saw him doing about it:

  • "Looking for a place to vent"
  • Inventing his own BPD diagnosis for his wife
  • Attributing all his wife's behavior to BPD
  • "Hoping" she would lose the weight
  • Making covert contracts like "If I clean the kitchen, she will cook, eat better, and lose weight"
  • Insisting that a sexless marriage is OK

Here's what we advised him to do:

  • Stop making up diagnoses, recognize those are excuses
  • Stop pretending problems aren't problems, recognize that is just cope and ego
  • Take responsibility for his own life
  • OYS

How he responded:

  • He said he didn't need our "disparaging comments"
  • He quit the server

This is ego defense. This is why >95% of guys fail at life by their own standards and secretly despise themselves. I know because I've been that guy. It's not just me, either. Solomon was calling guys out for this nearly 3,000 years ago.

This guy from the discord knows he has a problem. We showed him a new path where he could find solutions. Did he take it? No, instead he got insulted that we showed him the path. His prefers his way, a life of married inceldom with a 270lb TikTok brain roommate.

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." If we made this a safe space for men to "vent," and if we affirmed all their victimhood and egotism, then we would be their enemy. Jesus calls us to speak the truth in love. We are trying to help guys here. But nobody can help a guy who is standing in his own way.