Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match

WhereProgressIsMade · 2020-12-19T19:00:14+00:00

18 to 24 year old attractive females have extremely little reason to use a match-maker, so your $ is going to be wasted. They get flooded with attention. The women who do use match-makers are mostly going to be over 30 so if you like cougars, maybe? I was on eHarmony for a while but got very few decent matches.

When I was 25 I found a large singles group at a Church, but most of the women were either over 30 or unattractive.

There are most likely at least a few colleges in a decent size city. I'd research campus ministries that target those colleges and go try them out. At 23, you should fit right in and it's not like they check student IDs. You'll have to think about what you're going to say when people ask your major and stuff like that though. If it's obvious you're only there trying to pick up women, it could easily not go over well. Best to take it slow, make some guy friends first, etc. Groups that organize students to do volunteer work are even better - then you can pay attention to which women sign up. They're more likely to be of good character.

downfortheround · 2020-12-18T22:41:33+00:00

As a 23 year old guy, no one would take you seriously at a matchmaking service.

If you live in SF/NYC or similar city, then ya its gonna be tough, been there done that.

If I were you, what I would do is look at a map and research large cities in red states. Find a city that has enough opportunities for career growth and that is also to your liking as far as weather, personal interest and whatever else you choose as criteria. Join a mega church, especially one that has a a post college ministry or young professionals 20s/30s ministry. Get involved any way you can, you are bound to meet people, network etc.

Red-Curious · 2020-12-18T20:54:06+00:00

is it possible to have someone else successfully do preliminary vetting for us?

Ish, sure. Nobody here denies that there are benefits to online dating services. But for all the benefits, you'll never overcome the primary flaw: the people who use them are mainly people who need to. Put more clearly: higher quality people who have no problem finding matches without the help of online dating won't be found in online dating.

There are some exceptions, of course. But they're rare. I spent a chunk of time on Tinder and various other (mostly Christian) dating sites about 8-9 months ago in research for a post I eventually canned (I found it too hard to gather the type of information I was looking for and didn't want to write a post on half-valid research). The bird's eye view was to get a picture of the current online dating market and to see if things like /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen applied to the Christian sphere also. Suffice it to say: there's a reason online dating has the stigma among sexually successful people that it does.

A match-making service seems like a cheat code

If by "cheat code" you mean, "Here - I gathered all the people that nobody else wanted. Take your pick, they're desperate because they can't find someone else," then sure. There's a reason it looks like all the good girls are taken. There's a reason we suggest: find them young, train them right.

I encourage the use of dating networks - but not for the expectation of finding a wife. It's useful in the sense that if you had a magic button that with extremely low-effort would drastically open up your social circle and degree of female attention ... why wouldn't you use it? All that extra social connectivity, even if it doesn't end in marriage, can be leveraged to expand your social network for the dual purpose of both advancing your discipler-making mission and possibly exposing you to someone you would find marriageable material someday.

So, go meet someone you "match" with online and let it not work out, but still hang with her and her friends every now and then, and maybe her roommate's best friend ends up being a catch - someone you wouldn't have met if you hadn't used the cheap and easy resources at your fingertips. Yeah, there's value in doing things the hard way (much greater value, at that!) but that doesn't mean you should be a fool and reject the low hanging fruit just because it's easy.

coachdad8 · 2020-12-20T16:33:42+00:00

I wrote the "Married Man's Guide To Dating" which was my advice for single guys on how to get dates and meet girls.

I stand by every word of that post.

I have never lived in a liberal state where christianity is looked down upon. I stay in the Bible Belt where women in churches outnumber men 3-to-1. In my region of the country women are asking the same question you are but reverse, "Where are all the Christian men?"

It's shooting fish in a barrel down here.

That being said, I'm 5 miles from a huge christian college where I workout and play sports with dozens of young guys. Every week I hear them whine about their inability to meet great girls. So it seems that even in a place where christianity flourishes, single women are abundant and desperately seeking men, single guys cant their head out of their own buttholes. It's like coaching 1-legged soccer athletes - there's just no hope for them.

Wednesday night youth group at my small church has 600+ teens during a pandemic. I play volleyball 2x a week at a local church with more than 140 active members composed mostly of single people, and I'm one of the only guys in the group.

If you are still reading, the point is that you make your world.

Thoughts?

Red-Curious · 2020-12-18T18:44:23+00:00

It's super blue pill to expect someone else to go find you a woman.

You're doing a lot of good things with your career, your lifting, and your faith. But you clearly don't have enough confidence/game to go out and get a woman yourself if you're seriously considering paying for some sort of a matchmaking service. Imagine your future wife: a beautiful christian woman. She has plenty of options. Why would she ever consider participating in some sort of a matchmaking service?

RunawayGrain · 2020-12-18T19:05:08+00:00

You know how you are less than impressed by what your local churches have to offer? Chances are that a bunch of the guys back in Podunk where the girls on the match sites are from aren't too impressed with her either, because otherwise they'd have scooped her up already.

But Abraham had a point. Sometimes a third party opinion can be helpful, especially if you want an objective opinion. It also speaks to the relationship Abraham had with his servant. But ultimately it came down to one thing: The servant prayed about the matter.

There's a lot there to process, but to boil it down this guy was in a position of trust in the household and tasked with a job that was easy to screw up. Screwing up would mean a possible loss of that trust. Losing trust could mean personal consequences. So he went right to God and asked him to provide.

Ask yourself, could you really expect that level from a faceless match service?

Title	Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match
Author	Red-Pillsbury-Dough
Upvotes	0
Comments	20
Date	December 18, 2020 6:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/kfqeyz/matchmaker_matchmaker_make_me_a_match/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/matchmaker-matchmaker-make-me-a-match.735912 https://theredarchive.com/post/735912

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