Relationship Timeline before marriage

Dec 04, 2017 – I met my wife for the first time.

Dec 16, 2017 – We officially start dating.

August 21, 2018 – She moves into my parent’s basement with me

June 03, 2018 – I propose

June 16, 2018 – We get married

Pre Red Pill Christian

May 21, 2018

My wife moves in with me to my parents. At the time she was staying at one of her friends’ houses and she was having relationship issues with the friend’s mom. At this point we already knew we were getting married, it was just a matter of me going through the process of proposing and actually getting married. I was excited about her moving in (mainly because I thought we would be banging like rabbits because she will be around all the time).

This ends up not happening. I was super passive during the wedding planning and she felt like she was doing most of it herself and I was in the mindset of letting things happen and not stressing. My mom was also coming downstairs and doing my dishes and I had zero responsibility. My favorite video game was Monster Hunter World and I used most of my free time doing this even during the wedding planning.

June 9, 2018

My druggie friends want to do a bachelor party for me in Athens. Sex was also not happening like I thought it would. Before she moved in it was like 5-6 times a week. Now I was lucky if it was 2 times a week. I knew of dread although I did not call it that at the time. I just knew about PUA stuff and RSD. I thought girls like it when other women also like their man. I decided to create fake dread about a fake girl from Athens texting me. I create a fake # and text myself on a text exchange and conveniently tell her about it and how Idk if I should go out now etc because she will be at the party.

The plan completely backfires. My wife already does not like my druggie friends and now “this girl situation” makes her go nuts. We get into one of our shoving matches and wrestling (not in a good way). She dresses herself up all sexy and says she just got invited to a party in ATL from one of her old HS friends (a guy and is going out). I say IDC go ahead do you and she leaves to go. I go to pick up my friend and start to get ready to go to Athens.

Turns out I knew she was BSing. She went to her sister's house nowhere near Atlanta. She was just doing it to piss me off. Minutes after pulling out to head to Athens I get into a car accident. My wife heads back home after hearing about it. She gets pissed off because I am high and was smoking weed with one of my buddies. Another wrestling match ensues. By the end of the night, I promise not to smoke weed ever again (for the hundredth time).

June 16, 2018 – we get married

When we started dating I weighed 205 LBS.; throughout our 6 months of dating, I gained 25 LBS and had to buy a larger set of Dress Blue pants for our wedding day. On that day I weighed 230 LBS.

First two months of marriage

Sex is still only 1-2 times a week. I don’t really know what to do about this. I am still also being extremely shady about smoking weed. One weekend she goes to her sisters for the night because she says I need alone time with friends since we were arguing a lot. I get home from work and tell her I am “tired” and I am going to sleep. I leave my phone on the charger “so my location stays at home” and go down the street to smoke weed. Periodically I go home to check her location to make sure she has not left her sisters.

The next weekend I do the same thing. She heads out of town to drive a friend of hers to college in North Carolina since her car broke down or something. I go to a friend’s house on Saturday and tell her I am going to sleep at like 9PM. I smoke that night then ignore her future calls since she can tell I am high when we talk until the next morning.

Sept 2018 (I find the Red Pill)

I watch a video from the 21 Convention about marriage and it is about MRP. I find out there is a Reddit and think I have hit a gold mine and make a post. I read the levels of dread and read one about “buying a hooker” if the wife is not putting out to get over it. At the time I and my wife were going to church and it crossed my mind this could not be the only way. In the comments, I read something from RockandRollChuck and find RPC and am thankful because this seemed more like my lane and I was still in the early stages of taking my Christian walk seriously.

The next week I read the post on “Entering God’s Frame” and I consider putting the druggie life behind me. It was still not enough for me though. That same day I smoke a marijuana vape pen with an Enterprise customer at his house when I dropped him off and considered buying one so I could get high “without smelling like smoke” so my wife will not know. On the way back I had a conversation with God in my head. Idk if it was just super concentrated THC in my brain or what but he basically told me to stop smoking and to enter his frame and stop being a dumba.$.$. I was also tired of doing this behind my wife’s back and knew we would not make it if I kept doing this. (And I have not touched drugs ever since!!!)

The next week we go on a cruise “for our honeymoon”. I was a little annoyed since she was about to be on her monthly (it was like 10 days late). We planned the wedding so fast that this was the cheapest time to do it. On the way to Florida, I was listening to a preacher talk about advice for newlyweds. He said secrets will kill your marriage etc.

The first night on the cruise I told my wife to take Motrin for motion sickness but she said she does not get motion sick. Well, she ends up getting motion sick and tells me to go have fun on the ship because she does not feel good so she wants to stay in the room. I go out and meet a guy who has a drink card and we hit it off well. He starts to bring me shots and beers and I get drunk with him while watching the waves from the deck.

I go back to the room 2 hours later and my wife is pissed. She started throwing up when I left the room and she was mad I was not there yada yada. After engaging with her in a screaming/arguing match she tells me she does not feel secure in our marriage and does not feel like I have been honest with her. I remember the sermon from earlier and I feel like I need to tell her to put my mind at ease. I tell her two huge secrets.

ONE – I did cocaine back in January 2018 at that party you went to with me and continually lied about it. I was scared you would break up with me if I told you.

TWO – I have been smoking weed behind your back these past two months, but I have got my mind right with God now and I will never do it again (saying this for the 101st time).

At this point, she is balling out crying and I am just a drunken idiot in bed. She shoves me off of her in the bed and cries in the bathroom for like an hour. She says she does not know what to think anymore. In a drunken rage I tell her well if she does not want to be married then to give me her ring. I don’t remember the exact words I said but it was just drunk rage talk. At the end of our 20-minute argument all I remember screaming was “Give me your wedding ring I am going to throw it overboard” while trying to take it off her hand. She gives it to me and tells me if I walk out that door…it is over. Without a second thought, I walk out of the door and slam it shut.

Immediately after I walked out I fell to the ground on all fours because the boat shook. I just laid there next to the door and started crying because I thought my marriage was over. After about an hour I knocked on the door and my wife let me back in. Not another word was spoken that night.

Oct 2018

We “made up” on the cruise over the next 4 days and in hindsight, it must have been God’s work because we were stuck with each other on a boat in the middle of nowhere and had no communication to the outside world. The only people we could talk about the situation to was each other.

Early October she started getting into it with my Dad a lot more and she said she could not take living there anymore. Long story short, we ended up moving out on Oct 11, 2018. In my mind at the time, our lives were going great. Sex increased again to about 3-4 times a week and I assumed it was because I was implementing stuff from RPC. In hindsight, it was probably because we just moved and I was behaving differently. I lost 10 LBS during this time and dropped down to 220. Towards the end of OCT, I make my first OYS post but I did not think I needed to because I had RP handled and although we still had problems, my sex life was where I wanted it to be and that is all that mattered. My first post is here.

Nov and Dec 2018

I and my wife got in a big fight on Thanksgiving. She refused to come to my parents and we ended up not talking half of the day. After I went to my parents, I came home and we both went to her Mom’s. Also, my ignoring her "when I am angry" tactic was not working anymore and instead was seen as passive-aggressive and we ended up in wrestling matches every two weeks or so when an argument came up. I was emotionless roboting and Ramboing a lot at this stage.

Jan 2019

In the middle of January, we got progressively worse. Halfway through I make this post on RPC. January was also the month I started posting consistently in OYS. I remember the night clear as day when I decided to do so. My wife was licking her lips watching Adam Levine on the SB halftime show after she had just recently denied my attempt. That along with the post I linked above was enough for me to start OYS weekly.

Since then…

PHYSICAL

In all honesty, there is a lot of stuff I could have done better. I have gained a lot of strength physically, added 30 LBS to my bench for reps, added 100 LBS to leg press for reps, added 1 ½ inches to my biceps, etc….but I have sucked pretty bad on dieting. When I started posting in OYS in January I weighed 215 LBS. The lowest I ever got to in those periods was 203. At the moment, I weigh 207 LBS. My pattern here is I lose 3-5 LBS, then I get lax and gain it back. Normally by eating sugar and over time, it adds up. I have known this the entire time so no excuses here I just have to keep up with it. What gets tracked gets done.

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL

Lots of inconsistency here. Some weeks I do very well and then others I break frame which backtracks us a bit. But if I compare myself to where I was in January, I have come a long way. Recently in our relationship the relationship scoreboard is back but instead, it is one I created. We also have been going tit for tat with each other and I forgot what STFU means. The best thing is though our arguments never get physical anymore and have not for 6 months (OYS). We argue and yell sometimes but this boundary is still enforced. The most she does now when she is pissed is getting a cup of water and dumping it on me. This should open up AA or AM on my side but sometimes it makes me feel butthurt or disrespected and is something I am working on. I still fail to recognize tests a lot or I mix up what kind of test it is which causes tension or arguments.

The other most important thing is here is developing a mission. Mine is to evangelize and disciple and walk alongside them in their faith.

My biggest failure here is knowing where I want to go but getting mad when my wife does not want to do it alongside me. Over the past few weeks, I have changed that and obviously there has been friction because of this but nothing I cannot deal with, but I will save that for OYS, this is already entirely too long.

SPIRITUAL

This is the area I have shown the most improvement. Not only on my individual walk, but with my wife as well. I would like to take the credit here, but God is the one who changed me and her. She is on good terms with my parents again because of God (From time to time we go over and play board games with them). In the past month she has also reached out to my sister and now they are at least corgial (she disliked her the most). I also have not touched any drugs since that day before the cruise. I am also in the process of bringing some of my druggie buddies to Christ. This causes tension with my wife from time to time (per this post…why would it not?) but I am convinced God is using me here. I have had a conversation about it with some of them one on one about Jesus and this past week two of them want to start coming to Church with me. Granted, he said this to me 30 minutes after doing a line of coke right in front of me but we all start somewhere. I have drill this weekend coming up but I will follow through on this the next weekend hopefully.