Stats:

Late 20s Man.

10-15% bf (hint of 6 pack unflexed, obvious 6 pack flexed)

6'1" 180 lbs

(I'll explain strange lift numbers below)

Bench: 20 reps of 135 lbs

Squat: 20 reps of 45 lbs

Deadlift: 20 reps of 45 lbs

Mission: Share apologetics that have helped me so much to encourage others. I would like a wife for companionship, encouragement in my mission, and I'd like to start a family.

Reading: About half of the 100s and 200s series, Lifting is Not a Suggestion, Christian Brad Pitt Thought Experiment, About 25 Dalrock posts, increasing your social influence and network, The Bible, OZ's Guide for Singles 1&2.

Finances: ~1 year left on STEM PhD. On a grad student salary now but still maxing Roth IRA contribution.

Spiritual: Read some scripture daily, but need to up it. Ditto for prayer. Listen to apologetics talks, sermons, and books of the Bible probably 5-6 days a week. Attend church weekly and a weekly Bible study.

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A bit of background on me

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Bluepill conditioning:

Raised in church and conflated being a good Christian with being a nice guy beta. Much of this was my own timid personality, but this was reinforced, or at least not corrected, throughout my upbringing. Unfortunately, even though I didn't read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, this was my basic framework for relating to the opposite sex. By this I mean, I saw women as more moral than men, and I was very hesitant to initiate anything romantically, lest I be guilty of leading a girl on or not being sufficiently intentional. This attitude persisted throughout my time at a conservative Christian college, making me struggle to not have oneitis for the missed opportunities when there was an abundance of Christian women.

Redpill awareness:

Finally, I realized that my approach needed to change, and I started talking to women and finally went out on a proper date. I was still hesitant to make a move, but it was a start. Some questions about the truth of Christianity led me to make exploring my questions about the veracity of the faith, so I took about a year off from looking for a romantic relationship. When I got back in the game, I went out with 10 or so different women, mostly via dating apps, but some girls from irl. Only one of these relationships started to get serious, we'll call the girl Ally. Ally was my first real girlfriend and I put her high on the pedestal. I thought, finally, even after all of my incompetence at dating, I found a good Christian woman. Well, Ally started to trickle truth me, and some of the non serious relationships from her past were much more serious than I had been led to believe. That along with some other character flaws led me to breaking up with her. I was so shocked that a pure daughter of the king could have misled me in this way, and instead of taking responsibility for her wrongdoing, it was the bad men in her life, and I was bad for not being more understanding. As I searched for why I was so uncomfortable with the thought of a woman having a past after she said it was a mistake and how my view of women could be so off, I discovered the theredpill, then Dalrock, and now rpChristians.

Blackpill:

I was working to become the man I believed God was shaping me to be and working on making myself more attractive to the opposite sex. I didn't have any concrete prospects, but my confidence was on the rise. However, a bad knee injury led to surgery, and I'm still recovering months later. This is why my lifts are so strange, I was only cleared to squat the bar about 3 weeks ago. I will ramp up the bench weight, but I couldn't bench for some time post surgery and am still reacclimating to the movement. Until recently, I had a lot of pain moving around, and even sitting in the car was very uncomfortable, so my social activities fell off. When I reached out to friends, they all seemed to be too busy to come see me, 3 girls from online (1 I had gone out with once) canceled agreed upon dates after my injury (could have been usual OLD flakiness, but it still hurt my confidence to have 3 women cancel). I live alone and often feel alone. I'm in a college town and there aren't very many people, and very few Christians, who are both out of college and single. I'm working on changing this mindset that mindset, as I know that both Jesus and Paul gained immense benefit from time spent alone.

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Questions:

  1. Can I reasonably expect to be attractive to women while still having trouble walking normally? Should I just wait until I'm back to being physically healthy before seeking a romantic relationship?
  2. Same but for salary. Should I wait until I make more money after graduating to maximize my attractiveness?
  3. Trying to expand my social circle. Does it seem weird to go to on campus ministries? These are geared towards undergrads, but I'm still technically a student, and this is often closest to my age group as far as social interaction is concerned. Definitely not opposed to dating a younger woman but don't want to be a creep about it. What about going to a new church for a week or two just to meet new people? I like the church I'm at and don't want to treat church just as a social engagement.
  4. What other critiques do you have to help me break the conditioning?