Late 20s male. Both Christians. Long-term oriented.

I’m seeing a woman (mid-20s) who is rare by modern standards: chaste, conscientious, kind, wants marriage/family, no party life, no promiscuity, no drama. Very “good woman” on paper.

We’re long-distance. A couple in-person trips so far (few months total knowing each other). She’s clearly bonding and idealizing.

Issue: she is extremely passive and anxious. Low initiative, avoids confrontation, waits for me to lead everything, rarely asks clarifying questions about status or direction, regulates herself by deferring rather than engaging. Very agreeable, very soft. I end up carrying almost all structure, pacing, logistics, and emotional framing. I can lead - but I’m not sure I consent to a dynamic where I am permanently the initiator, regulator, and driver. I don’t want a father-child dynamic or a relationship sustained by my constant output.

Complication: I’m not “in love” yet. Attraction is mixed. There is goodwill, desire, and protectiveness, but also quite some internal irritation at passivity/infantilization. I’m aware unresolved attachment to a past intense relationship may be distorting perception, but this pattern may be just a strong temperament mismatch.

I’m currently stepping back slightly to test viability (not punishing, not ghosting). Considering explicit frame-setting vs clean exit.

Questions for married men / men with experience:

• At what point does discernment become unfair lingering?

• Is extreme passivity in a “good woman” something that realistically changes, or does it hard-lock the dynamic?

• How do you distinguish “needs leadership” from “will always outsource agency”?

• Is choosing on virtues without strong enamorment sustainable long-term, or does resentment inevitably grow?

Not looking for comfort. Looking for pattern recognition and hard truth.