Define, Create, and Nurture True Love

Camille11325 · 2016-12-30T20:16:44+00:00

This is such a great read! I still prefer Robert Nozick's definition of love, but I like the how they gave concrete examples and advice instead of all theory or scientific jargon.

Of course #7 is something I disagree with. They say that in the best relationships, both parties are "Noncontrolling, nonmanipulative and nonthreatening" and that "In order for a relationship to be truly loving, it must be equal." I question the biases of the people conducting the study as well as their methods in assessing equality, and also their definition of "equality", "dominance", "submission", and "control". The paragraph expanding on #7 says:

Many couples find themselves wrapped up in dynamics where one acts like a parent and the other like a child. One looks to the other for guidance then resents that person for telling them what to do. Or one person tries to control the situation, then complains that the other person is irresponsible, immature, or passive. In order for a relationship to be truly loving, it must be equal. When one person tries to control or manipulate the other, be it by yelling and screaming or stonewalling and playing the victim, neither person is experiencing an adult, equal, and loving relationship.

I'm not sure if the opening sentence is supposed to frame the topic of the following paragraph, are the next two sentences expanding on the idea of parent/child dynamics specifically? Do they see all unequal relationships as parent/child? Even if each sentence is to be interpreted independently, the statements reveal a lot of misconceptions. The most obvious one being that not all hierarchical relationships take on a parent/child dynamic, as we all know in RPW!

When you look at the description of each party, it is clear that the issue isn't with the fact that the hierarchy exists, but rather the people involved are not suited for that role. If you get resentful after asking for help, that is a problem with your character. If you take control and then complain that the other person does nothing, that is a problem with you, not the concept of leading itself. I wish they spoke more about gender in this paragraph. Women seem to complain more about having to do all the work and be in control while their man is irresponsible/immature/and passive. Women who haven't mastered psychological femininity are also more likely to resent help even when they need it, but men who are in the second position against their preferences will feel the same way.

While a lot of dysfunctional relationships have poor power imbalances, that doesn't mean that the best relationships have zero imbalances. Many of us here have friction-less relationships precisely because of the inequality. When we ask for help we are grateful to receive it, and our men enjoy their role as "Captain". The people inside of the relationship are what determine it's success, that's why we focus so much on our own character and it's also why we heavily promote vetting men!

Thanks again for posting it lots of great things to discuss and I hope more people comment. It is the end of the year though so totally understandable that we're less active - I've been super busy myself! Maybe this can get a repost in 2017 :)

Title	Define, Create, and Nurture True Love
Author	PhantomDream09
Upvotes	9
Comments	2
Date	December 29, 2016 8:19 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5kyzkp/define_create_and_nurture_true_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/define-create-and-nurture-true-love.1072379 https://theredarchive.com/post/1072379

Comments