How have you improved your relationship?

51cab · 2018-02-05T11:47:29+00:00

I second the therapy. Find someone you both can work with. Humble yourselves. Allow advice and criticism. Listen to each other and your counselor. You both have to want it to work.

whitebunny87 · 2018-02-04T06:57:49+00:00

Can you give us some more details please? Maybe start with the questions on the sidebar. We really need more information about your situation if we're to give any meaningful advice :)

TVEMisty · 2018-02-03T13:01:22+00:00

I’m not sure how red pill my experience was but my husband and I turned our marriage around after many years of life beating us down and it taking a toll. We never wanted to divorce but we but wanted our relationship to be better. We had to get help, we went to therapy. We had done therapy in the past and he wasn’t into it. The second time, he took the lead. He found the therapist and set the appointment. Because he was leading the therapy arrangements it went better. We both got beat up in therapy, but we both needed it. It took us a good 6-8 months to finally break down our walls and hit a place where we could start really healing and the rest other 1-1.5 years was healing. We learned how to talk and listen. We started working on our personal issues that were contributing to our marriage.

We had to stop because we closed our business and had to cut expenses. We still use the tools to this day. I am just starting a new job that will provide us the financial freedom to start again. We were going weekly, I think I’ll start again every other week or monthly. Neither one of us regret the money we spent. We felt she was fair to the both of us. Some appointments he would get beat up and would be upset afterwards and by the time we went the next week he had time to reflect and could what she said sunk in and he was good. Then the next week would be my turn. Some weeks we both were beat up. What I liked best about her? There was minimal time with our therapist spent with only one of us. I can count on one hand where we had short talks with her individually and we’d come together in the same appointment and talk through it. To us, individual time with the therapist wasn’t what we wanted much of because we felt we needed to do it together. However there were a few things I had a hard time bringing up with him in the room in the beginning. Towards the end I could. We rebuilt the trust so I knew I could say how I felt without him losing his mind. He learned how to handle his reactions better, he learned to pause and listen to what I was saying vs reacting and assuming. Once we went over that hurdle, I could start talking to him about the things that bothered me that I knew, in the past, would immediately have him angry and verbally lashing out.

Anyway, this was long. I’m not sure how red pill it is, but it worked for us because we both wanted it better and weren’t getting better in our own. Him making the choices of who to see and when I think helped him in being okay with therapy vs the first time he wasn’t. The first time he’d show up but he didn’t really participate or receive anything said.

OodliesofNoodlies · 2018-02-06T13:45:57+00:00

Hey, thanks for that. If all looks so easy when it's written down! Some great ideas there - I'm going to put them to him tonight and see if we can commit to doing these exercises when tension starts to mount.

Title	How have you improved your relationship?
Author	OodliesofNoodlies
Upvotes	7
Comments	9
Date	February 3, 2018 11:59 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/7uyxqx/how_have_you_improved_your_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/how-have-you-improved-your-relationship.208596 https://theredarchive.com/post/208596

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