Solipsism?

Hammocknapping · 2020-09-29T14:27:20+00:00

So, I’ll be upfront that I’ve never read The Surrendered Single, but I’ve read the Surrendered Wife.

Personally, I think this advice (out of context of course) is a little bit of a mind game. Conversations ebb and flow. If you can’t hold a proper conversation, then you also probably shouldn’t be dating. There’s no need to ensure he controls 75% of the conversation, if you’re having a good conversation. If you’re a good conversationalist, then I would recommend disregarding this advice.

But, this advice may help vapid, self absorbed women who are unable to pass up an opportunity to drone on about their lives.

Not all women are self absorbed, but some certainly are. I think this is good advice for self absorbed women who experience challenges when dating.

Eosei · 2020-09-29T19:56:11+00:00

What you're describing here isn't really related to solipsism, which has more to do with how you see the world than how much you talk.

Solipsism in the RPW sense is basically just the idea that we are prone to viewing the world through our own experiences. It's hearing something that doesn't fit with our personal, lived experience and moving to reject it prematurely on that basis. It's the belief that everyone (men and other women) must see the world in the same way we do and that our personal insight must be valuable to everyone. Every time a man comes in here to answer a question with "well as a man, I think..." that's solipsism.

It's not a good or a bad thing, just something to keep in mind when making judgements that don't concern us directly :)

Laura's advice to not overpower conversations is just pretty stock standard stepping out of the way and allowing him space to be/feel like a man. It's a simple exercise in listening, which is always going to be a helpful tactic in relationships.

Throwaway230306 · 2020-09-29T18:07:36+00:00

Years ago, the "game" blogger Roissy in DC (anyone remember that guy?) advised men to avoid talking a lot on dates and put the burden of keeping up a conversation on women! According to Roissy, a man of few words was more attractive to women than a chatty guy, and silence flipped the typical script and forced the woman to entertain and try to please the man.

Anyway, Laura Doyle's advice here strays too much into overthinking for me. I dunno, it seems too cerebral and self consciously strategic. Ideally, a woman should have the self-awareness to know if she has the tendency to talk too much and work to curb that tendency. Beyond that, a woman should uphold her end of the conversation without overtaking it.

If you're having a fun on a date and enjoying a man's company, you probably won't be thinking about when to speak and how to reflect. You'll be in the moment.

TheLatitude · 2020-09-29T15:17:24+00:00

As a guy, I suggest to disregard this advice. Be normal, be comfortable and be yourself.

Everybody loves a good conversation.

jonmarli · 2020-09-29T17:09:32+00:00

I'm not entirely sure I buy this "females are solipsistic" as opposed to men, who are so empathetic and others focused? Really?

I guess self-centeredness can be observed differently though the sexes, and there's certainly a stereotype of a woman who talks endlessly about herself. Honestly though, I've been on a few dates where the opposite was true.

If you think you have a tendency to be unable to see past your own nose, I think it helps to deliberately foster curiosity for your conversational partners. Ask questions and try to connect with the answers. Try to imagine their lives, their point of view. Draw it out and get to know them. That does mean more listening, but it is because you're interested. Not just shutting up for it's own sake.

Eosei · 2020-09-30T12:58:35+00:00

It'd be great if people downvoting would comment if they are downvoting because they think Laura Doyle's advice is bad, if my linking it with solipsism is bad, or for some other reason.

2020-10-08T15:44:41+00:00

As an educated and animated female... I struggle with this! I love lively engaged conversation, and I am a passionate and opinionated speaker. I have worked on this a lot though. I always stop and ask them questions in conversation, and allow them to dig into their points fully without cutting them off. "Thats such an interesting idea, how did you come up with that?" "Wow that's such an accomplishment, how did that make you feel?" "Your family sounds beautiful, I would love to hear more about your mom if you are open to sharing." At the end, if they do not ask me what I think, I do NOT I inject my unsolicited opinion. It is good for the ego to attempt to hold the tongue. And it is good for dating to listen and collect information quite frankly. Particularly in early stages. What kind of perosn is this? What does he value? Does he had me my opinion? Xo! ❤

Eosei · 2020-10-24T23:55:26+00:00

This is bad advice I think. A big point of complaint men have about women is that they actually aren’t very engaging on dates.

Title	Solipsism?
Author	Eosei
Upvotes	7
Comments	34
Date	September 29, 2020 1:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/j1znsi/solipsism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/solipsism.323387 https://theredarchive.com/post/323387

Comments