Hi there. I'm new but I've been reading and lurking both here and at TRP. I've read most all the side bar and many posts but I'm wondering if there are more specific tools that you might be able to pass on or that I have overlooked.

My SO and I have been together since June 2016 and living together for a few months. We are very compatible and it is easy to get along, talk with each other, and generally just enjoy each other. He's familiar with TRP and introduced me to it although I already leaned in this direction. So I'm definitely a newbie in this world and am having some struggles.

I'm not seeking relationship advice, perse. I think that the advice I need I already know, my SO and I have spoken about it, and this sub covers it:

Identify your weaknesses: Are you quick to anger? Do you have a negative attitude? Do you hold grudges? Figure out where you fall short, and look for ways to improve.

I hold myself to an incredibly high standard and this bleeds into the standards I hold my SO and family and friends to. Usually when I temper this to a reasonable level it is a positive trait. However I am having difficulties letting go of some things (primarily housework) that if I can't get done don't get done. This leads to feeling stressed and irritable. I've been practicing letting it go and not getting grumpy at my SO and have been getting better.

I've definitely increased my awareness of when I have issues and start getting upset which is a good first step. Are there any tools that you have that might be able to help me take the next step of dealing with stress and letting go? I am curious if any of you have extra tips or tricks or books to read to help accelerate my self-improvement to letting go a little bit and relaxing to reasonable standards.

On a semi-related note: My parents/society taught me that I had to be perfect and strong and take care of myself and do everything. I think this interferes with my ability to trust because I feel afraid that I won't be taken care of in a general sense. When I look at the actual-day-to-day of my relationship and my partner I recognize that my fear response is an overreaction considering our level of commitment to each other. Any tips for getting past that fear? Talk to a counselor?

TL:DR

Advice/Tips/Books for letting go of grudges and stress.

Also advice/tips/books for self-training assertiveness and getting rid of passive/aggressive model.

Advice for getting past commitment fear (obv. not to do before proper vetting).