Advice from the brokenhearted

skeleflor · 2018-11-15T23:11:01+00:00

I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like you have done a lot of introspection and are growing from it. This is all really sound advice, especially:

Do not take the things he says he needs lightly. Do not take them with a grain of salt. Take them as truth. He means them.

Many people are so dismissive of each other's needs, even when their partners are open and frank about their importance. Women can tend to be resistant to a man's expressed needs, I think, because they instinctively balk at or resent the notion of a man (who is supposed to 'lead' them) having needs that he can't meet himself. They confuse it for 'neediness,' which it may or may not be. Not meaning to imply at all that was your case, just a general observation. A "blue pilled" girlfriend of mine invalidates any expressed need or feeling of her boyfriend's as "whining," and I wonder how much longer that relationship can survive.

ColonelAngus1978 · 2018-11-16T02:09:02+00:00

Sounds like I wished the one who hurt me that way would say this. They never will though. Plus one for someone thinking enough about it. That means something. Been stewing in this for months.

bethetherizinosaur · 2018-11-18T03:04:19+00:00

I'm currently in a similar position, where I lost the light my SO saw in me, due to a deep depression. I ignored his needs, made many false promises, and assumed he didn't mean what he said. To no one's surprise, we started getting into a series of small but hurtful fights, and suddenly he's talking about breaking up. I'm lucky that we live with a mutual friend who mediated for us, and suggested we not make any rash decisions but instead, spend some time apart. In that time, I've been working on my depression, and have been taking up my SOs suggestions, (he was aware of my depression, made many suggestions, and I ignored almost all of them,) which has resulted in an improvement in my depression. He's noticed, and because I avoided pushing it in his face that I was working on it, he's taking this to be a genuine effort on my part. I'm hoping things will work out, because I feel the same way. My SO is also the best thing that's happened to me.

As for proving yourself, I suggest you don't make it explicit or even implicit that you're changing. By this I mean, if your SO is in the room, don't pick that time to show off how you're making all these changes, now. Don't draw his attention to it. It'll feel like manipulation to him. Instead, work on it consistently, regardless of whether or not he's around. Make them into habits. Eventually, if things go well, trying to get better won't feel as urgent as it does right now. *There lies the trap.* Make these resolutions into a list, and put them someplace you'll see regularly but your SO won't. Reference the list every day. Also, seeing a therapist for your depression may help.

loneliness-inc · 2018-11-16T04:14:21+00:00

Do not take the things he says he needs lightly. Do not take them with a grain of salt. Take them as truth. He means them.

Especially since women tend to speak in order to think things through while men tend to think things through and then speak in fewer words (especially regarding important things!).

This means that something you say to him as you're trying to sort out your thoughts, isn't definitive whatsoever. On the contrary, you're still trying to figure it out. Therefore, by definition, you don't necessarily mean what you say 100%.

It's easy to assume that his words are likewise not with 100% certainty, sincerity or severity. However, this is far from the case. Because he thought things through and then spoke a few condensed sentences, each word is extremely serious.

Furthermore, women tend to complain about every. Little. Thing! Men tend to complain about the bigger things. If he's telling you about something that's bothering him, chances are that it's really bothering him a lot!

Do not make false promises. Follow through with the things you say you will do. If you do not you will lose that man.

In light of the above, a broken promise is a terribly grave transgression.

I fell into a hole and couldn't get out.

Stop shifting blame. Take ownership of your actions!

My brain is telling me to prove myself but I don't know if I can.

You can if you really want to. First you need to own it all. Second you need to take responsibility for it all. Third you need to apologize to him for it all while making it clear that you don't expect him to take you back. Fourth you need to work on becoming the most desirable mate that you can be.

rek1ess · 2018-11-20T23:52:34+00:00

Thank you for this post.

Title	Advice from the brokenhearted
Author	jennmannequin
Upvotes	55
Comments	19
Date	November 15, 2018 9:24 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9xfg6u/advice_from_the_brokenhearted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-from-the-brokenhearted.67843 https://theredarchive.com/post/67843

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