Advice needed - dealing with inesecurity

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2016-08-05T04:53:06+00:00

Why don't you start by telling us what you're proud of having accomplished in your life? What are your positive personality traits? Are you a good listener, do you have an artistic eye, are you athletic, are you a compassionate person?

We all have insecurities, and even if you have something positive about yourself, there's still another complementary positive trait that you may not have an affinity for. Find what you are good at, then challenge yourself if you can deepen your character (eg. if you're naturally reserved and demure, try being more playful and outspoken sometimes). Having multi faceted personality traits is a mature and feminine way of living and I guarantee the more comfortable you are about dealing with different situations the less insecure you will feel.

If you're out drinking, put down the phone. Texts are a great way to ruin relationships because you have the ability to say things you wouldn't otherwise voice out loud.

thisisophelia · 2016-08-05T14:48:21+00:00

First thing I thought of after I read your post was this cartoon https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/05/3f/51/053f51672d08e8e7e4d368053cd13dfc.jpg

I'm kind of like you, I was very overweight as a child and was bullied in school and constantly criticized by my mother. Boys never chased me, girls avoided me. When I went to university, I started to change my eating habits and started with exercise and lost a lot of weight. Because I have quite a pretty face, guys started to chase me. But still, to this day, if a stranger looks at me for more than 1 second, I wonder if I have food residues in my face :D

When I met my husband, I couldn't believe that he was interested in me. He was and still is everything I want in a man. And after being married for 1 year, I still sometimes wonder and it gets the best of.

And I'm exactly like you: When we're together, I have absolutely no problem. But when we're apart, I start to wonder if there are better woman out there and why he would chose to stay with me instead of going after a better looking, smarter whatever woman.

What helped me a lot was to write down something like a bragging post in my diary. But not writing down the things that I thought made me awesome, but the things my husband has said to me during our relationship, the things that make me special for me. Re-reading this post every time my insecurities take over, helped me a lot to establish more self esteem in my relationship.

(Feel free to dm me, when you have the need to talk to someone!)

rproller · 2016-08-05T05:09:33+00:00

Have you sought professional help? I mean, we're happy to provide advice here on RPW but at the end of the day, it's just free advice from the Internet.

Passerby6 · 2016-08-06T00:46:15+00:00

All the women gave great advice. I really like the list idea from /u/thisisophelia, a tangible list can add a certain comfort to a worried mind.

For some reason I really internalized the false idea that no one could ever love me or want to be with me when I was young and I never quite got rid of it.

I'm sorry you've been plagued by that feeling, that's really awful. OP, assuming that your boyfriend knows you have these inadequacies, maybe it's these very inadequacies that make him love you even more. It's ok to show vulnerability. When you care about someone you want to help them through their dark times, and understand them; that adds to your intimacy.

"please dont cheat on me I love you so much I can't live without you"

Again, I don't see this as a bad thing, its quite endearing. You are a fragile person and you're expressing yourself in a fragile way. He understands and wasn't fazed by it. Don't beat yourself up about it.

On another note; while it's ok to express vulnerability, don't let it out too much, and don't let it take a turn for the negative. Focus on reinventing what made him fall for you. Bringing up the list idea again, consult your list and keep doing and expanding on the items on that list. If he loves your singing in the shower, sing while you're cooking. If he likes that you get along with his parents, make it a point to randomly invite them over for dinner-things like that are what set you apart from whatever pretty girl on the street. Take the negative energy that fuels your deep insecurities and channel that into positive experiences, which will fuel his love for you.

Title	Advice needed - dealing with inesecurity
Author	shekure123
Upvotes	2
Comments	5
Date	August 5, 2016 3:27 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4w8gjd/advice_needed_dealing_with_inesecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-needed-dealing-with-inesecurity.86360 https://theredarchive.com/post/86360

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