My SO [23M] and I [21F] have been dating for a few months over three years. We met at community college, where we were both heavily involved in student government, participated in community service organizations, and were taking the most advanced math and science courses the school had to offer.

In Fall 2016, he went to study at one of the top universities in the country about a six-hour drive from home while I transferred to a local university. So, we transitioned into a long-distance relationship. We are both STEM majors, but his university is a lot more rigorous than mine. He was doing very well, getting accepted to research positions, founding clubs, and participating in engineering projects. Then I noticed he was beginning to exhibit depressive symptoms, but he did not want to discuss it. A lot of his classes were web-casted to YouTube, so he began not going to class, playing video games all day, and cramming before his exams. Even though he was playing video games all day, he would say he was too busy to talk to me. We would talk for less than ten minutes, about five times a week. I was so anxious about our long distance relationship during the Fall 2016 and Spring 2017 semesters; I would cry all the time and was very suspicious about a female friend who lived with him. Last semester, in Fall 2017, I began to focus on myself and was a lot happier.

Before he came home for the holidays at the end of the semester, he told me he would be placed on academic probation and will not be able to attend his university for a whole year (two semesters). We spent all winter break lounging around the house, with him playing video games for hours on end. In a complete 180 to our five-minute talks, he became very needy and clingy, saying that all he needed to be happy was me -- that his life goal is to make me happy. He then obsessively began researching hamsters and decided to buy one with the credit card his mom gave him when he went off to university. (she pays it off) I feel like he began using me, video games, and this pet as distractions from his education and career.

This semester, he is taking a few classes at the community college again. They are mainly fun classes, since the units wouldn't transfer to his university. He says he wants a summer and fall internship, but has not applied to a single one. Even though he is a lot more qualified than me, I applied to a few last semester and received several interviews. This summer I will be interning at a big engineering company on the other side of the country and he has even said he wants to follow me so we can live together. I have been encouraging him to apply for some internships (like I said, he is much more qualified than me). I even suggested he attend the career fair at school. I hesitate to continue my suggestions because I know it can come off as nagging and he tends to snap at me when I do so. I know RPW would say I can not change him.

However, I am beginning to feel less attracted to him as his motivation is waning, he is gaining weight, and is getting very clingy. I believe he is catching on. When I came home from school today, he said my breath smelled like cum??? He didn’t talk to me for an hour and then lashed out at me. When I finally tried to talk about it, he just wanted to cuddle and play around. He rarely, if ever, wants to discuss our issues and conflicts.

I feel guilty and confused, and I would appreciate advice from you all.