Confidence vs. insecurity vs. clingy/needy?

Cock_Klepto · 2017-07-21T19:57:50+00:00

Vulnerability shouldn't be confused with insecurity. The former is what men are attracted to. The later becomes unattractive quickly.

Shaela90 · 2017-07-21T21:36:47+00:00

Insecurity and some (common, 'normal') degree of neediness will attract most men. Why? Because most men are insecure and needy themselves. That does not mean the guy is obviously insecure and needy, that's a whole different story, just that he feels he 'lacks' in certain ways. And it's the easiest thing in the world to feel you lack in many ways in today's society.

For most men, a woman who is truly confident and secure with herself, might appear unapproachable, unrelatable, playing on the man's own insecurities. He'll feel he has nothing to impress her with. Not to mention another category, most women( and most men too!) who try to put on a confident and secure facade (like the wannabe PUAs over at TRP), are, in fact, the most insecure and bitter.

Even though insecurity/neediness is often confused with vulnerability, as u/Cock_Klepto mentioned, they will never really build true intimacy in a relationship, but instead bring it down real soon. Vulnerability is being aware of your shortcomings and being ready to accept them in front of another person knowing full well you might be rejected for them and being OK with that, while insecurity would try to hide them for as long as possible, then feeling twice as bad when they do come out, thus needing a great amount of validation and reassurance which is tiring. No one can bring you down if you feel good about yourself and no amount of external validation is ever enough when you don't. We see it all around us, in endless streams of selfies and random daily posts on Facebook.

A good (albeit pretty simple and meager) example would be something like this: Let's say I got really small boobs. On a first date with a guy, I'd be 1.vulnerable wearing an appropriate but tight top with a normal bra, an outfit that is put together but HONEST and 2.insecure wearing extreme push-up or even playing the frumpy card, like I got better things to do than put any effort into looking good, since I'm not perfect. The bra would eventually come off at some point anyway, no need to add stress in the mix.

Vulnerability is always a winning strategy with manly, experienced men, since they are aware that women are human beings with shortcomings too. And a woman who is appropriately upfront with her shortcomings gets bonus points for confidence and honesty. She is someone who is well aware of the person she is and is not afraid to work with what she's got. The only ones who seem to be turned off by vulnerability are inexperienced dudes, who tend to put women on a pedestal and then mope about them not being perfect goddesses.

mrpthrowa · 2017-07-22T11:15:48+00:00

Vulnerability and neediness are fine, attractive even. It's how the girl deals with it that matters.

Spot the difference:

Example 1: "I miss you and wish to talk to you, I haven't touched you in days, but I guess you may be too busy".

Example 2: "You NEVER care about me! I have been in hell and you're enjoying your time and don't care one bit!"

The sentiment behind both is probably the same neediness.

Guess which one wakes up the protective provider instinct in men? I can't help but melt at example 1.

Kara_El · 2017-07-21T22:53:51+00:00

"I'm afraid I'll die alone with no one to care for me."

vs.

"I'm afraid I'll die alone with no one to care for."

Insecurity is a desire to be taken care of and protected. Vulnerability is a willingness to care for and protect someone.

[deleted] · Fri Jul 21 19:05:34 2017 UTC

[permanently deleted]

MissNissa · 2017-07-29T11:53:17+00:00

I've stickied this post even though it's a week old because the comments are good and I'd like more people to see them. :)

md8716 · 2017-07-22T14:47:41+00:00

Vulnerability is fine when revealed at an appropriate time. Vulnerability is like confiding in your partner about issues that you may be facing. Maybe you had a rough past or a medical issue. Maybe you're having a tough time at work or school. That is fine as long as you don't get too deep, too early.

Insecurity is different -- it causes people to lash out in negative, childish ways. Like someone with low self esteem putting down others to make themselves feel better. Or growing up poor and having to "prove" to the world you are successful by buying up everything. It's weak and repulsive.

bedaking · 2017-07-22T19:32:23+00:00

Vulnerability and Insecurity are very much similar. Insecurity is the kind of Vulnerability where people lashes out or act negatively. But doing something bad is neither feminine nor masculine. So of course when I said that insecurity is attractive, I meant only the good part.

Clingy-Needy is also feminine behavior. If it means means someone who wants to be physically affectionate, close all the time, I don't see the problem. I mean, she does have the rights to receive physical affection from her partner. If she becomes sad and misses her partner If they are separated for long time, That's great. But If she lashes out at the event of not being together, tries to go everywhere he goes, tries to manipulate by crying - That falls under Controlling Bitch territory.

So Clingy-Needy behavior is sexy, But without the overly emotional drama part. Clingy-Needy behavior with Cheerfulness is the sexiest thing ever.

But let's be realistic here, Girls who are clingy and needy usually comes with the emotional drama shit in package. So If the mention of these words repulsed people, definitely they were repulsed by the negative probability.

The high level of testosterone gives Men a boost in aggressiveness and confidence. So Confidence is in fact a secondary sexual characteristics of men. Women put confidence at the top of the list when they search mates.

We know that women prefer higher earning and more confident men. When a woman is confident, She becomes less feminine and more masculine. So, she seems unapproachable or not feminine enough. she goes out of the range for a lot of men. But the twist is the more confident males are not looking to satisfy a woman slightly less masculine than they are. As he has a lot of confidence, he will try to get the most value he can get. So usually they go for the younger, immature, insecure ones. Who will be submissive to them naturally and will value their confidence more than a confident female would.

It's the same with higher earning women, women who earns more are harder to satisfy. Cause she only feels feminine when the dude earns more. The more she earns, the smaller her dating pool gets. For example - A women who earns $120K a year, will not look twice at anything under $100K. She will be attracted to a higher status $150K guy. But the dude who gets $150K will avoid her. Cause she will be a lot harder to satisfy than a $40K woman. She will be high maintenance if she ever decides to be a SAHM. So a $40K woman is much more likely to be submissive to a $150K and be content with her life than a $120K woman.

Of course everything I said - Applies only to masculine men and feminine women. Beta, insecure men will be more attracted to non-submissive, thus confident and higher paying woman. But the greatest irony is - Masculine woman are rarely attracted to feminine men. They require more masculine men to make their pussy wet in a society where masculinity is shunned upon. So they always have to settle for something much lower than their "level". They are just fucked for life.

Title	Confidence vs. insecurity vs. clingy/needy?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	July 21, 2017 7:05 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6oq2th/confidence_vs_insecurity_vs_clingyneedy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/confidence-vs-insecurity-vs-clingyneedy.73157 https://theredarchive.com/post/73157

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