continuing a relationship after cheating

lespetiteschoses · 2018-04-22T11:04:42+00:00

It's my opinion that a relationship where cheating has occurred is not worth trying to save. It rarely works out, and after just 9 months together it's not worth the investment.

Move on, find someone new, and make sure that your next partner is someone who values monogamy.

KittenLoves_ · 2018-04-22T07:29:51+00:00

Is he aware that you found out about these texts? Have you discussed it?

If he has made a commitment to remain loyal to you and only you, then you need to decide whether you trust him, and more importantly, whether you can handle being in a relationship with someone who crossed a boundary and acted disrespectfully.

If you continue to flirt with other people and stray from him, you are no better than he was, and you would do better to leave him now rather than continue a relationship that is pretty clearly not going to work if you can't get over this.

There are a lot of reasons why it's recommended that someone leave a cheating partner, and one of them is that after having found out, a mix of lack of respect and insecurity makes it harder for the other person to remain kind, faithful, submissive, etc.

queandai · 2018-04-23T15:57:36+00:00

Dear, I know these advises are not welcomed by modernized mindset, but still our responsibility is to advise again and again. I'm advising you here not with hate but with love and sympathy.

Never start a relationship when you are studying in a college.
Never have any kind of sexual relationship before marriage.
Never involve in dating culture or LTR culture.
Keep the status of virture and purity higher. That is the wealth of a good girl.
Be shy to introduce yourself to anyone as a dating partner or LTR partner or immature lover.
Keep company with grandmotherly elder women and grandfatherly elder men during whole your lifetime.
Be shy to be socialized with boys. Be afraid of them until you get married.
Respect parents and teachers as gods.
Never keep any kind of company with cheaters or unvirtuous people.
Practice hard to control your sexual feelings until your marriage honeymoon.
If your character is pure then there are many to help you in problems until your death. If you are vulnerable, then every one will try to take different advantages from you or fake kindness, until you die.
Don't let your children to tease at your character in one day in the future. Be a proud mother of a virtuous son in the future.

Respect and love above advises and be a good girl worth a diamond.

loneliness-inc · 2018-04-22T14:48:03+00:00

Question time.

Were you in an exclusive, monogamous relationship?

Did you both agree to this or did you just assume this to be so?

If he did cheat on you and this is a problem, why not just leave him, why become a cheater yourself?

Edit - why were you going through his phone?

You're in college, not in high-school and not in a marriage with kids. There's no reason for high-school drama nor is there reason to try to make it work no matter what.

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T23:52:42+00:00

you'll never be able to trust your SO the same. I experienced this a couple months back in my relationship though my partner did get physical. we managed to stay together 2 months later, we've just recently decided to call it quits.

this is hard, a break in trust is a huge betrayal, but ultimately you are the only one who knows what you feel and what you want. if you want to continue pursuing this relationship then go ahead but know you will have to work at this harder and some days you will have resentment.

JStheHammer · 2018-04-22T19:59:22+00:00

Once a cheater always a cheater.

I had a gal that cheated on me, bye.

You deserve better.

LateralThinker13 · 2018-04-23T13:33:52+00:00

So let me see if I have this straight.

1) You found evidence of him possibly arranging to cheat.

2) You didn't engage him on it, verify that it happened, or otherwise investigate.

3) The mistrust this engendered in you has caused you to both feel victimized, and for your gaze and thoughts to stray to cheating as well.

I know respect and trust are major things I need to work on. What are practical steps and habits to get me there?

For starters, remove the ambiguity of your situation. You can't build a house on sand.

First, were you committed monogamous when this all occurred? Or is this a covert (unspoken) contract on your part? Because if he never said you were monogamous, he did nothing wrong. This will affect all advice going forward, AND how you handle your own feelings.

IF you were monogamous, next you need to clear the air. Ask him if he's always been faithful. See if he lies. THEN ask him about those texts. See what he says.

If he owns it without prompting, or if nothing happened, then you're good. It isn't the knowledge of the texts that will kill you, it's the uncertainty of what happened/what he was thinking/doing.

Find out.

And finally, if you weren't committed monogamous at the time, then I'm more concerned why you were reading his texts. That's kinda stalkerish for a non-committed couple.

cherryhearts · 2018-04-24T20:25:33+00:00

Wow 9 months in and he's this unreliable already and you're this insecure?

Move on. Raise your value.

spartagirl_300 · 2018-04-24T20:47:35+00:00

Personally I wouldn't leave a man who's perfect to me just because he sleeps with other women. Call me brainwashed whatever. I truly believe that it's harder for men to be faithful then women. It doesn't matter if you're smart seeet funny AND gorgeous he may or may not sleep with a girl better or no where near as good looking as you as a drunken accident.

I'll take the man who does everything right but cheats over the horrible man who's faithful

zymbosa · 2018-04-25T00:51:06+00:00

looking at his phone is a breach of privacy but can be salvaged somewhat here. I'd confront him, calmly, say you saw said texts, and let him know it's unacceptable. Then take time off for yourself. If he comes back in an accusatory nature, don't engage. Connect with friends. Do your favorite things. Don't flirt with other guys or seek attention from them. Investing time in yourself makes you attractive to other men, not spraying your time into a crowd of men and leaving a bit left for self-improvement. If he's willing to quit the behavior and try again, sure. But that puts the ball in your court. If something happens that breaches the clear boundary you set, it's totally ok for you to leave with no regrets and a clear mind. Red Pillers preach about boundaries and although counter-intuitive it is the one thing that absolutely all successful relationships have.

miomayorga · 2018-04-22T12:16:27+00:00

Awww Im so sorry girl, you must be going through so much emotionally. I know how your feeling my first boyfriend of one year cheated on me and I found naked pics on his phone. It’s super hard I know but trust me you will never be able to see him the same even if you guys work it out but you can try just be very careful with your heart and guard it bc he broke in my opinion the most important trust you gave him and so early in the relationship. Think about all the years you may waste with him find someone better. I’m just thankful that I didn’t sleep with my ex after what happened with us. If you want to fix the relationship, but I would not advise you to do that. Tell him that you’ve seen the messages and ask for an explanation. See what he says and go from there but I would just get out now, and I know it’s going to hurt but in the long run it’s way better then staying with a cheater that may cheat again in the future you don’t want that for your future. Good luck!

Title	continuing a relationship after cheating
Author	gracie_d
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	April 22, 2018 12:18 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8dzrvl/continuing_a_relationship_after_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/continuing-a-relationship-after-cheating.74637 https://theredarchive.com/post/74637

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