I've struggled with clinical depression since I was a teenager (late 20's now) and I'm proud to say I've learned how to properly control it. I still have problems from time to time (feeling worthless, low energy, feelings of sadness, loss of interest, feeling life is pointless) but I can honestly say I'm the strongest and happiest I've ever been, and I know what to do when I start feeling awful.

That being said I am very self-conscious of my depression especially in relationships because that's when someone knows you extremely well. Men are drawn to me because I'm confident and happy and bubbly and fun to be around, but obviously I have periods where I withdraw because I'm sad and feeling hopeless. You could say I'm a bit manic-depressive (I'm not full on bipolar but I have symptoms).

I struggle with the periods when I withdraw. I know myself well and I know that I need these periods of withdrawal because that's how I deal with my demons, and I know this about myself and I'm comfortable with it. However it seems like men can't deal with it because they expect me to always be this confident happy cute woman and I can't be that all the time. I feel pressure to always put on the happy face and I can't bear to let him see me when I'm depressed, because I always get the same thing ("Oh come on just be happy"). So the problem is having someone else accept the fact that I have these periods of withdrawal/depression and I've had men and ex-boyfriends actually tell me they are surprised to see me depressed and anxious because I'm usually so happy all the time and they don't expect it from me.

What do I do? I'm currently dating somebody and even he told me the same thing. When we were first dating he would compliment me and say how peaceful, confident, secure, smart, funny, sweet I was. Then when I started getting anxious he called me out and said "I am surprised, I wouldn't expect this from you because you seem so secure with yourself."

I should also make a point that it's a theme within all my relationships that I have always been the confidant girlfriend, meaning my boyfriends have had no trouble confiding in me, one of the reasons is because I keep a lot of my problems to myself so I'm not the girl who bitches and rants about everything to her boyfriend. Instead I'm the sweet peaceful girlfriend that men feel comfortable opening up to me but in return I don't get any feelings of being protected from them because they just expect me to be secure and happy all the time.

It just makes me feel alone. Help please, any thoughts welcome.