I am new here and began reading some months ago. I’d say my views fall somewhat in line but I greatly value the perspectives here. My husband left two weeks ago. His issues are that I am ‘too quiet’ and he’s lonely and that I don’t do enough housework. On that score I take care of all cooking and prepare dinner each night, wash uo, shop, pack lunches and I will take in laundry, fold it, and do other chores. He tends to take leadership in things like laundry (I’ll do three loads this weekend he’ll say) so I let him then he’s resentful. He never cooks and past general offers will not unless I leave instructions. That’s fine by me.

Our larger issue is that when life gets hard he tends to become withdrawn, negative and engage in negative behaviour like staying up till 4am, keeping me awake, smoking heavily and generally refusing my attempts at positivity. He complains a lot and I have to balance him feeling heard with some accountability that really, were in a good place in terms of financial security overall. He has not worked through Covid and I have.

He says he feels lonely in our relationship and we are just too different. He says he is a positive guy who can get anything done but being with me makes him negative and prone to indulge in destructive behaviour like dope smoking. While we have our issues this feels unfair and it seems each time I try to encourage positive behaviour in the most benign way, like suggesting a walk in the park, he refuses.

I have said I want to work on things but he does not. I also worry that this could happen again.m, but I love him.