How can I help him?

Kara__El · 2018-11-14T18:37:01+00:00

Some men won't work. There will always be a reason: insecurity, illness, bad back, can't find a job, depression, anxiety, personal crises. You'll tell yourself it'll be different in a year, five years, ten. It won't. You'll just be older and have set down even deeper roots.

My ex was like this. It was soul wrenching and I'd call that phrase over-dramatic in most scenarios, but being with someone who will not support himself, let alone you or anyone else who comes along, is crushing. I left at 23, before children or mutual property. My whole life reset.

I can't tell you if you're there yet, but if you're posting about this again, it's worth considering whether you can live like this for the rest of your life, because it is very unlikely that he'll change.

Hammocknapping · 2018-11-14T18:42:42+00:00

As a unit, are you in dire financial straights? Are the bills being paid? How is your retirement portfolio looking? How badly has this impacted your overall financial picture?

If he isn’t already intimately involved with managing the finances, then I would get him up to speed on your financial status. Maybe seeing how is lack of motivation is destroying your future together will help him muster up enough motivation to restart his job search.

I would also recommend he try therapy. You could benefit from therapy, so maybe you start going and then invite him to a joint session. Hopefully from there he feels comfortable going solo. He would likely also benefit from a full physical and blood panel include a testosterone check. Schedule your own appointment first, tell him how easy it was and then pass along the doctor’s info.

If you’ve reached a breaking point, and have done everything you can possibly think of to adapt to his new state of being, then that’s the point where you look at options that allow you to take care of yourself. That could involve having a set up where he’s a stay at your home husband, which entails doing all the chores and all the shopping, it may entail separating your finances and taking care of yourself first, or it may involve looking to divorce.

minyman60 · 2018-11-14T19:07:47+00:00

My older sister helped my brother in law by applying for jobs on his behalf ( with permission ). He's got a poor education but is an incredibly skilled laborer / handyman / electrician. He's still in a bit of a tight spot, but the method has helped previously and he found work.

Sometimes the best kind of support is taking part of the workload / burden.

However they really are a duo. Don't baby a sinking ship, it's your call to make.

skeleflor · 2018-11-14T21:22:04+00:00

Are you sure he's fine? I ask because my father passed a little over a year ago, and it put me in a real funk for a while. At the time of his passing (after a long, painful illness) there was a lot of other stress and anxiety swirling around me, and the only thing that helped me through the day was taking a few hours to zone out completely with some mindless distraction. Could video games be that for your husband? The death of his mother, preceded by the stress of her long illness and the stress of unemployment are legitimate reasons to suspect depression, which may require therapeutic intervention. I don't know how vulnerable he is with you, but many men feel the need to hide their feelings, especially if they're traditionally masculine types who don't want to show any perceived weakness.

saloniko · 2018-11-19T16:46:57+00:00

Oftentimes someone gets depressed over an IRL incident and then they go curl up in a ball in a dark room for a while and so I wonder if sometimes that reaction to the initial event then causes the SAD form of depression due to lack of sunlight - so nowadays i always suggest trying to get a depressed person out in the sun if possible.

Title	How can I help him?
Author	UKwife1987
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	November 14, 2018 6:23 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9x2n7s/how_can_i_help_him/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-i-help-him.67836 https://theredarchive.com/post/67836

Comments