I saw his profile on a matrimonial site. It was the first time ever i talked to a guy (thinking of dating) and if he was the one i was looking for then marrying him. I am 25 and he is 29.

I got attached to him even before i sent him a request. cz all around me encouraged me to go ahead(my family and my friends-since he was of my caste) I attached myself thinking of his good qualities he had mentioned in his profile and also to his appearance was i attracted.

I didn't know what attachment is exactly until this happened. The guy was in civil engineering field then changed his career to banking.

We just had exchange of 10 msgs small n long or so... and he never saw me... cz i thought that I'll send my pics only after he answers my questions... he did sent me his recent pics...i had seen his old pics on the matrimonial sites which he had uploaded...then i asked him about his eating habits...with occasional non veg I was ready to somehow adjust cz my family said the boy is overall good.

But thought someday I'll be able to convince to quit.cz i am spiritual. Some of my generation people also may think I am old school.Yes I am .I have accepted it cz it gives me peace .And it's In my upbringing also.

When i asked him his smoking and drinking habits...and asked him to be very honest about it...i got to know that he smokes with drinks and he said he drinks once in a month on an average but my father says if he has committed that he does that much smoking and drinking that means he does ...just double of it.

And i am myself very health conscious...and want a health conscious person too and i told him that i am not a suitable match for him cz i am a pure vegetarian, non-smoker and non-drinker and i don't want anyone to change for me but for their own good .(cz until the person accepts from heart that what he/she is doing wrong they can always come back to it.Though I didn't elaborate this like I am doing here.)

He said he's trying to bring smoking to a nil. And no ones drinks in his house except he. but i was mainly concerned about him cz i was seeing him as my potential life partner then he said he is willing to change...and i should give it a try...but i couldn't trust him...cz i have read and seen , smoking is a major addiction....and hardly people are able to overcome it....and i couldn't risk my life...and my future kids also...cz they are bound to learn one day what they would be seeing..

Plus he is in private job culture and has been to metropolitan cities to work and here in India...smoking is very common there in private jobs and he would have got continued cues....and would have given in eventually. Would fulfill his wrong wishes...hiding them from me...when the first phase of marriage and new love would got over....then i would become shattered.

I have always imagined my husband to be healthy...he is also a foodie...i had read this in his social account...i had blocked him on whatsapp and matrimonial app both after saying no but still my mind finds its quite difficult to get over him ....i wanted to know him...talk to him...but i couldn't.because deep inside i knew i would get myself attached to the smoking person.

He also was after going high in his career which is not bad...i mean he would have to travel for it and i wanted to stay near my family...i mean it didn't seem that he could settle for basic happiness...he wanted more money.but he would only go to other cities with his future partner's consent he had told me.

I think he had a Rajsik pravarti . If you know what Hindu philosophy says. I am particularly Sativik. This is what I am...and I love being. It happened 2 months ago I was able to move ahead ...with pain ofcourse...n also had deleted all images after I said no...but after two months I had checked something about him ...and again my wounds became raw...I will not do it again...I didn't know that how mind wounds work...now I won't check...but still I am sharing my story...cz I feel like it... can't help being human.😶