Context: I'm 26F, he's 27M - I'll call him Chris. We met through work. We are in a FWB relationship because we have been in toxic long term relationships that ended badly and we have no interest in that all over again. Things have been going swimmingly and we have a lot in common - how we think, our emphasis on logic over emotion, even Red Pill is integral to our chemistry. We are in a bit of a dom/sub dynamic that started to show itself more recently and we've been having a great time with; he loves the authority and I love the submission, so it's pretty great. Two big caveats of our relationship are these: no lying ever, and communication is key. Another thing about me, is that my most recent ex before Chris would freak out at anything and everything, and so I had to learn to maintain a very calm and quiet voice to prevent things from getting worse (if it could be helped) so when I am upset I still remain quiet even if my insides are screaming.

​

What happened: The last few days have been hard on Chris. His dad is in failing health and every time Chris goes to see him it's worse. Yesterday at 3am, he calls me asking if he can come over. Usually this is the "booty call" but he ended up crying next to me because he'd seen his dad the day before and seeing him this bad off around Christmas had him messed up, which I completely understood.

​

We were going out to see some live music, which is one of our things. He was driving, and about to pull out of the driveway of my house when he mentioned I should go put my "love button" in (this is our term for a butt plug I'll wear sometimes when we go out). It's a great idea, so I hurry inside to do so before we leave. When I get back, he touches it to see which one I'm wearing. He mentions one of the two he's given me, but he actually guessed wrong, so I say nothing and wait for him to figure out it's the other one he'd given me. He talks a little dirty to me for a bit and then he stops and proceeds to pull out of the driveway (a big dynamic for us is the give and take, the suspense, etc so this is normal).

​

The night proceeds fine, we meet up with friends and enjoy the music. He is playing especially hard to get tonight when usually he is more willing to tell me what he's going to do to me; on this night, he gives a lot more "well, we will see if you're good" sort of liners, which are fine. Again, a lot of our dynamic is the tension and waiting.

​

We get home and he continues to capitalize on the "only if you're good" sentiment he's been using all night. I state that I noticed he's been especially sassy this evening; all of a sudden, Chris falls silent. I realize a moment later he's been upset by something I said or did but he's not saying why. I ask him if there's anything wrong and he expresses discontent at me having described him as sassy. I told him this isn't new, it's always been a part of the repartee we've had (at work and otherwise - kind of a "tough love" sort of friendship) and I merely noted it was increased tonight He told me he had been amping it up a little because he felt it was fitting with the dom/sub dynamic, to which I said I completely understand and that seemed fitting. However, he did not seem to be rid of whatever it was that bothered him, though he did not continue talking about it.

​

We go upstairs to get ready for bed. As one can imagine, things are getting hot and heavy and the clothes start coming off. He finally sees the "love button" and notices for the first time it's not the other one he gave me, but the second, and slightly smaller one out of the two. He immediately stops and says "I don't like this." I ask him to talk to me about what's wrong. He clarifies by saying I lied to him about which one I was wearing. At this point, I'm shocked that what had happened was being construed and simplified down to me lying to him...as there are many times where I am doing something enticing for him that involves not saying the truth (not wearing underwear under a skirt, for example). In a moment where he was playing with me and I was aroused, he was telling me I was guilty of committing the capitol crime for which he did not give any reprieve. I was shocked, and told him as much. Chris then says "well that makes sense, I understand. You were turned on so it's not the most clear state of mind." I was happy he seemed to understand.

​

Not so. A couple moments later and he's back to being upset about it. He is now adding on more things he is upset about, saying that I've been off "for hours." I can't even think of anything that happened hours ago to give him this indication, so it comes completely out of left field. Chris continues to say that even now, as things were getting physical here in bed, I was not giving him the usual indicators that he usually gets from me - the physical touches, the noises, etc. that usually happen when we get physical. I had done all of the same that I always do. It's starting to be clear to me that something is wrong and he's upset to the point of finding all kinds of little things that may not be the root issue.

​

However, no matter how I try to talk to him about what's really going on, he just gets more and more emotional. Accusing me of gaslighting (???) and lying multiple times. He goes back to the moment I'd called him sassy, saying that I had told him he was a dick. This shocked me too; I never once called him a dick, I was not even remotely upset by his "sassy" talk I'd been referring to, and so I responded by telling him he was good to me and I would never call him a dick. He insisted that that was not true and clearly that's what I said (though that word was never once used). He demanded to know if I wanted him to leave. I looked him dead in the eye and said "no." He then asked what it was I needed because I was "freaking out." I asked him, as calm as I had been this whole time, "do I not look calm to you?" to which he responds "absolutely fucking not, you're crying. You are clearly freaking out and need to calm down." Even though tears were being shed, I was remaining quiet and calm (due to my past relationship, I have a lot of practice in not escalating my tears when I know it'll make things worse). I told him I'm trying to understand what is even happening right now because it's spiraling out of control.

​

At this point, he goes to the other side of the room to pick up his guitar and play music. This is something very important to him and helps him relieve stress and anger, so I am happy he's doing it and let him play while I try to focus on stopping the tears, since they are evidently not welcome. However, I end up falling asleep in the bed where he left me while playing music. He wakes me up an hour later insisting I have to lock the door behind him because he isn't welcome to stay. I am completely confused, as I had told him to his face I didn't want him to leave, and told him I wanted to let him have time to play music so we could perhaps revisit the conversation with a more collected mindset. He insisted that wasn't really true.

​

He ends up storming out of my house at 4am because of me having "gaslighted, lied multiple times, and acted out in anger" to him. Whereas I am still here, still not angry by anything he'd done, but completely in shock and awe at how quickly this fell apart.

​

TLDR; my FWB guy who is usually an extremely logical person was extremely emotional last night to the point of storming out of my house after picking me apart for all kinds of things I somehow did wrong. He is not wanting to hear out anything I have to say.

​

I am conflicted. I see the red flags of taking any excuse to up and leave, but I also know I've been guilty of being hyper vigilant too and would like to extend an olive branch if it can save the friendship. I don't tolerate toxic behavior and I certainly cannot allow someone who will listen to me say one word and then insist I said something else to continue to be around. However, I know Chris is going through some really heavy stuff with his Dad, especially since it's Christmas.

​

What do, RPW? Please help me. I am not very good at acting on my emotions. I usually get people angry because I have a hard time explaining them and can barely show how I feel, so over-reacting is not one of my strong suits, but rather I just close up. I have no idea what happened. What can I do to resolve this? I don't know if it's over or not.