Hello Red Pill women :)

I've been lurking around here for a month or so now. Tonight, I decided to start a gratitude journal, specifically in regards to my man. I won't bore you ladies by including the actual things I am grateful for, but I thought I'd share with you what I wrote down as the "intro" to my journal. I thought maybe this community could relate to my journey, because I know most of you are interested in self-improvement, especially in your relationship. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads it - I understand not wanting to read the ramblings of a stranger.

To provide a little context: we have known each other for over a decade, been dating for a year, and living together for 6 months. We get along very well, but we have some significant personality differences which have resulted in some fighting in the past, and a brief (3 day) breakup. He is also dealing with some substance issues which of course add stress to both of our lives. He has a ways to go, but he is trying and making progress so far. Overall, we love each other, we both want a future together and are striving to become the people we need to be so that can happen.

Here goes:

"Lately, I've really been trying hard to recognize my own imperfections in my relationship with (SO). I know I have many great qualities as a girlfriend, but I also know I am far from perfect and I'm beginning to come to terms with my own shortcomings. I will admit that I do dump a lot of my most deep seated fears and insecurities on him, because he is someone I trust will a) give it to me straight, and b) love me anyway. (Of course he has his limits, but I know he won't be too easily scared off). I've never had that kind of comfortable, trusting relationship with anyone before, which is great. However, I'd be lying if I said my insecurities combined with my reactive nature didn't contribute to my emotional ups and downs. I have noticed lately that as I try my hardest to keep my emotions in check, he has responded better to me, and that instead of lasting for days, our spats only last for a couple hours or sometimes even a few minutes. I think we're also starting to be able to bounce back more quickly after one of us annoys the other. I want to get to the point where there's no fighting, just discussion.

I've decided to start something that may help with this. There are so many times when he makes me so happy and reminds me of what an amazing boyfriend he is, and the more I keep these in mind, the better I feel - the better I feel, the more patience I have with him, the more patience I have with him, the better he treats me. The better he treats me, the better I treat him, and it becomes a cycle. Every time things are good between us, any doubt I have just floats away and I feel that things are the way they're meant to be. I want to keep a list of times he makes me feel this way, so I can always be reminded, and can always hold myself accountable.

I'm not 100% sure yet that we're going to be a 'forever couple'. And I often wonder if our relationship is great but I just overreact a lot, or whether I put up with too much from him. Because when I'm pissed in the moment, I always think it's a deal-breaker. But I'm sick of feeling like I have one foot out the door, even if the feeling is less frequent lately. I think if I can become really clear-minded and positive in this relationship, and keep my emotions in check, and learn how to communicate my concerns to him without crying or sounding accusatory, one of two things will happen: a) Our relationship will get even stronger and we'll go on to have puppies and babies, or b) I'll be in a better state of mind to recognize that he is incapable of giving me what I need. Either way, I may as well stay calm and happy in the process".

I'd love to hear thoughts, advice, or stories! Have any of you ever done anything similar?

(Edits for clarity)