I feel like im going insane and being weighed down by guilt so much.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. We are in our early 20's. A couple months ago, I messed up. I went on a vacation with my two best friends and one of my best friends boyfriends. I'm close friends with him and have been even before they began dating.

Basically, we got drunk, and from what I was told because I don't remember was that we were being 'too friendly' and touchy.

Things changed after that. My best friend forgave me and told me that she knows I had no ill intention and that I need to do better. My boyfriend gave me a second chance and that he did not find that whole situation as cheating.

But these past months, our relationship has changed. It became distant. I became emotionally unavailable because that trip has altered me. I've been struggling with self sabotage, negative thoughts and self hatred. This has been affecting my relationships.

And i've talked it out with him. He had emotionally cheated because he had gone to get coffee with a girl from school and found himself liking the idea of starting a new relationship with a new girl.

Mind you that I'm 20, and I have strict mexican parents. So no sleepovers, no going over to his apartment, and no vacations together.

Those are all things he wants but I can't offer because i'm dependent on my parents and can't afford to become independent.

Basically, we made up and now he wants to continue our relationship. The issue now is that I can't stop thinking about breaking up. We are mutual on the fact that we have no future together. Our dreams and aspirations are completely different. And I just believe that he deserves someone who can sleepover, someone he can see everyday (we live qbout an hour away from eachother), someone he can go on vacations with, someone who can love themself and now be emotionally unavailable.

But I love him so much. He's willing to work out relationship... but am I? What is the use of continuing a relationship that doesn't have a future? I understand enjoying what we have, but i'm a soft hearted person and this breakup will hurt a lot whether it's now or later. Is it better to break it now and heal myself or enjoy what we have left until time comes and we mutually end things?