Introductions and a quick question

Ihatemost · 2016-04-17T03:37:02+00:00

Your husband might or might not be right, it really depends on the way you come off as but also the type of women you become friends with.

There were some friendships I had where it seemed like the women were trying to bring me down, in any subtle way. On the opposite, if something good happened to me and I shared it, they didn't seem genuine in their reaction or they were trying to one-up me.

But, I've had and still have wonderful friendships with women that I see are secure with themselves, or at least enough to the point they don't feel the need to bring other women down. We bring each other up, we're constantly trying to help each other out and congratulate each other for our successes.

I think that's an important thing to look out for when it comes to female friendships because many women are competitive towards other women. Look if they're the jealous type, the competitive type, the insecure type.

As for finding them, try to look for common interests. Women can bond pretty quickly over a common interest, it takes just that one thing and you can take it from there to initiate contact more often and get to know them better.

There are great girls out there, female friendships are definitely possible :)

maya_elena · 2016-04-17T06:54:08+00:00

I have trouble forming deep new friendships with women, but have no problems finding companions for gossip, girl-talk, and shopping trips. (The really personal stuff is left for my one or two best friends from high school and back, often over Skype.) I have also drifted apart from some of my long-time good friends as our lives, jobs, problems, and politics diverged - even though I do not have kids.

That said, these women you mention just sound sub-par - maybe you just need to find a new group. Easier said than done in your case, if you're at home with kids. But if you can find yourself people who are perhaps older, more mature, more secure in themselves - your might get some better friends! Your husband is probably the best source of friends like this - his best friends' girlfriends and female friends from work.

Also, if you can get out a couple of nights a week and you have something like this in your area, try a dance group, amateur theater group, martial arts group, yoga class, or something of that nature. These types of activities bring together people from all different walks of life, and the culture tends to be very non-judgmental and supportive (sometime a bit too much). You might need to tread lightly when discussing politics though.

blindedbythebrights · 2016-04-17T13:35:10+00:00

I've had the same problem for a long time, being able to make friends for activities, but not experiencing deep bonds of friendship. For me, what helped is that I started working somewhere where I have older, more mature women around. Maybe try to look for women in the same position as you are, even if they are a little older. (They probably are, since happily being married on such a young age is rather rare in my experience) And don't be afraid to reach out to take a friendship from a shared interest to a more personal level! Worst case you have an awkward coffee date, best case you make a new friend. Its kind of like you're dating, only with women, he he

rpwlurk · 2016-04-17T17:36:42+00:00

I'm in a similar situation, though I'm over 13 years older. You'd think that high school drama would fade after high school, but sadly there are some people who don't know anything else. I hate to admit it, but I get along better with my husbands friends than I do with most women. Though I've met some new friends through pilates, hiking, & by pursuing some hobbies, I'm not as close to any of them as I'd like. There are plenty of people with simple interests that don't really appeal to me, but then there are still some people I admire, and get along with well. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to build as close a friendships as I did when I was younger, which I think might just be a fact of life. Now when I am around women who bring up other people, that saying about "small minds talk about people" comes to mind, and I lose interest immediately. I got so sick of my older "friends" gossiping about each other, and so clearly trying to make themselves feel better on a scorecard only they cared about.

One thing that is a red flag to me these days is that if I'm talking to some people about something fascinating, and someone brings up some mind numbing bullshit, like Real Housewives of whatever, I'm out. I think it comes down to people not knowing themselves very well, and so they try to fill that hole with wine, gossip, & whatever pop culture has to offer.

rpwcaptain · 2016-04-18T00:24:20+00:00

While it may be a jealousy issue, I would personally see it as an area I need to improve on.

nearly all of my friendships with other women have gone down the toilet

Two things I see:

Since you are the only constant here, I'd take a hard look at my behavior and asses how I've contributed to the issue. There used to be a really nice format in this sub for addressing your responsibility in each situation. It easy to hand wave "oh, they're just jealous" and put your issues on other people, but that doesn't actually solve your issue - wanting (and severely lacking) in girl talk.

On the practical side, like any situation, you need to add value. Since right now the "value" in these gatherings is in unloading about their husbands, try something different, like planning a nice play date for the kids, or a book club, or take a class. That way you've created a structure for spending time together that is positive and nurturing (something women will naturally gravitate towards) and adds value to each woman's life (happy family, reading) and makes her feel good. Change the subject when bashing comes up, and weed out the worst offenders. The implied cost to continuing to spend time with you and participating in your value-added activity is no bashing.

[deleted] · 2016-04-17T21:58:26+00:00

When you're in a good, stable LTR, it's easy to get complacent and not seek friendships elsewhere. Remember that your SO doesn't want to be your BFF, and it will ultimately hurt your marriage if you treat them as such.

Making good adult friends is hard, but not impossible!

Try joining groups with women of your approximate age and life status in them. Craft groups, exercise groups, whatever. Meet women and vet them - are they bitching about their partner? Are the gossiping? Are they making excuses for being lazy/unkempt/etc? You should find some women who fit your needs.

Then, and this is crucial: make the first move towards socialising with them outside of the group setting. Say "Hey, let's grab a cup of coffee and get to know each other better!".

After a cup of coffee, you might find that they DO bitch and moan about their partner/kids/job etc, or that they're less fun to talk to than you expected. But they might be a new and wonderful friend. Make the time to find out!

Title	Introductions and a quick question
Author	outthislifee
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	April 17, 2016 3:09 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4f4zx1/introductions_and_a_quick_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/introductions-and-a-quick-question.86124 https://theredarchive.com/post/86124

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