Disclaimer: I couldn't think of a title that properly explained what I'm trying to ask. I'm certainly not saying we should avoid every single person with a mental illness. Rather, I am talking about men who treat their mental illness as an excuse for bad behavior and refuse to get help. I hope this makes sense.

Perhaps it comes from my upbringing (I suspect my mother has NPD/BPD), but for a while I seemed to attract people with mental illnesses. I have a couple of long distance friends go to therapy regularly and take medication. I genuinely believe they are trying their best and are not dragging me down. However, I know too many people who aren't proactive about their mental health.

Example: I used to have a male friend who was very open about his struggles with depression. Every time he hits a low he will make a big purchase/decision to make him feel better, like moving to a different city, buying a huge house, buying a Jaguar, buying expensive shoes, and going on expensive trips. He is obsessed with social media and constantly switches between extremely positive and negative. I knew him for years and he never got help. He relies on material things and external validation.

When I am meeting someone, what are some red flags that might tip me off and let me know they are unstable? I often don't see it until it's too late.