Need Advice

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-02-25T19:12:06+00:00

I admire your conviction and commitment, but this is a really big mountain to climb. I'm not saying you can't, but you're talking about living the rest of your life in an unhappy marriage and that might not be something you feel you can do anymore after 10 years. Even if you, can, he might not. Do you want to be in your mid-thirties and divorced with kids? In all likelihood, that's where this is heading.

For what it's worth, I was a 23-year-old divorcee, albeit for much more universally acceptable reasons. I met my husband at 27, though, and have the fulfilling, loving marriage I always wanted. We have three kids, are talking about a fourth, and have so much fun together. He's my best friend and the sex is fantastic. If you're staying for purely religious reasons, I won't knock that. If you're staying because you're afraid to be a divorcee in your twenties, though, I would highly discourage it.

cohost3 · 2023-02-26T04:08:43+00:00

Read surrendered wife and fascinating womanhood.

I’m assuming you married him for a reason? I hope you can find that again.

Jenneapolis · 2023-02-25T21:15:10+00:00

I think a large majority of relationship issues can be overcome through work and compromise but a lack of attraction and lack of sexual desire for your partner is a death sentence. As someone who has been there and spent a decade with my best friend (who I just wasn’t attracted to) here is what happens: they feel your resentment. Even if you have told yourself you are going to settle and be happy with it, there is no way to hide from them your lack of desire and this especially becomes more difficult the more time passes. They go to kiss or cuddle you, and you pull away, you start rejecting them for sex, or are just overall resentful to them daily because they are holding you back from having sex with someone else (even though in your heart, you know that’s unreasonable). Or you cheat. You might say you never will but sex and attraction is a powerful thing and when your relationship is at risk, it is prime territory for someone else to step in.

I think the only way this works is if you are asexual and willing to fulfill his needs out of obligation AND he is OK with that sort of sex, or in couples where there is a really strong sexual attraction in the beginning that wanes with both people over time and they decide to have a happy companionate relationship. It does not sound like either of these are your case. Like I always say on here, better to be single at 25 then single at 40. Even if you don’t walk away, he might after facing years of rejection.

princess_mothra · 2023-02-25T22:51:44+00:00

Was there ever a point in which you were attracted to him?

If it’s not too personal do you take birth control or any medications that could be effecting your libido? On birth control I lacked sex drive pretty often, though eventually through changes I made it went back to normal.

WishGullible5142 · 2023-02-26T04:08:00+00:00

. I have emotionally and intimately been neglected at a few points in the course of our relationship.

Try couples counseling and have a very serious conversation with him about this.

Now, I am not attracted to him at all in his behavior, looks, and just overall

Arousal is as much mental as it is physical.

Has his habits and behavior changed? or maybe it's that he has not grown and matured with the years?

Has he gained weight? Looks change? Fashion?

Again serious talk, give it some time, but ultimately if it doesn't work, you have to seriously consider divorce.

As other comments said it would be better than being a Divorcee, single mother in her 30s or bitter at your husband if you stay.

AmaranthSolid · 2023-02-25T21:19:40+00:00

There's stigma about being a divorcee but its far better than being miserable for the rest of your life and you deserve someone that's a good match for you. My husband told me he was a divorcee when we met and I honestly didn't care. It meant that he's had more experience and knows how to go about an adult relationship so it's only been a benefit. Life is hard but you deserve to be happy!

aussiedollface2 · 2023-02-26T21:54:04+00:00

Have you always felt like this? Or have you become like this? If you always felt this way and married him anyway then I’m sorry gal that’s on you. If it’s become this way then I think it’s def worth working on and trying to rekindle that desire and spark. xo

AutoModerator · 2023-02-25T18:15:51+00:00

Title: Need Advice

Full text: My (25M) husband and I (25F) have been married for 2 years. We met at uni at 19yo, he was my first bf . I have emotionally and intimately been neglected at a few points in the course of our relationship. Now, I am not attracted to him at all in his behavior, looks, and just overall. He is a good guy really, but he’s just not MY guy. We are friendly but not at all lovers, I do not desire him in anyway- he literally cannot turn me on, but he’s my only outlet for sex. He’s not even my type I realize. Divorce isn’t an option for me because of my faith and also I’m in my mid 20s, I don’t want to be in my later 20s and so on single and a divorcee. I don’t know who would be into that. I am in grad school. It is long hours and it is my “happy place” - it comes with enough stress on its own to keep my mind focused on that. When I come home I work a little more before bed. My question: for any ladies out there that have chosen to stay in an unfulfilling marriage and who are comfortably provided for- how do you cope with the unhappiness because of the less than ideal things?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Need Advice
Author	Heyheymiii
Upvotes	1
Comments	13
Date	February 25, 2023 6:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11brmti/need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/need-advice.1153358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153358

Comments