I’ve been dating my bf for 2.5 years now. He was the one who introduced me to the RP. He has helped me turn my life around and I’m incredibly grateful to be with him. Some important context: The beginning of our relationship was very troubled. I was young and made many poor choices. We are in a much better place now but he does not trust me yet. He is also 20 years older than me. I’ve been pretty unhappy with our sex life. We average about 2-3 times a month. If I had it my way we’d have sex at least a few times a week. I am very sexual and have worked to get my urges under control. The thing is I still make him orgasm often (practically everyday). Though, I recently stopped doing that because I’ve been so exhausted and preoccupied with other things. Why I’m upset: he rarely tries to make me have an orgasm. Historically, I’ve needed oral to reach orgasm. I also love receiving oral. He’s gone down on me twice since we’ve been dating. He’s the first guy to ever make me cum using his fingers but he also rarely does that (less than 5 times total) with the last time being in September. He’s also the first guy I’ve ever had an orgasm with during PIV (very rare occurrence but absolutely incredible). When we have sex I feel amazing and very intimate with him. He’s quite skilled and has lots of experience which frustrates me even more. Im worried about complaining to him because I don’t want him to think I don’t enjoy having sex with him. I love when we do have it. I asked him a while ago why he won’t pay any attention to me and he said I don’t deserve pleasure. He also loves to talk about how past women he’s dated were very happy having sex with him and how he used to make sure they would always orgasm first. I’ve been patient and things still haven’t changed. I know it’s not a hygiene problem, I am very clean and take a shower before bed every night. I tried to bring the topic of sex twice this past month and he brushed me off and said we would talk about it at a different time. I told him I just want to understand why it’s still this way after I’ve been really patient with him. We haven’t had that chat. In the past he’s told me we would work on our sex life and would change it in the future but there’s no noticeable difference. I feel like he just keeps saying that to appease me and has no interest in changing things. I need answers but I’m nervous to ask. I’m afraid he’s not attracted to me. He follows thousands of hot women on instagram and is always pointing out attractive people. The last time he called me beautiful was two years ago. He does call me hot occasionally. We had a pretty big fight over the instagram a few months ago. I don’t care about the instagram anymore but I’m still struggling with my insecurities. I’m 5’1 and weigh 110lbs. I aim to work out 5 days a week but generally average 3 days a week. I walk at least 3 miles everyday and eat very healthy. I’m trying to get really toned. I was a fat kid and didn’t become skinny until a few years ago. Unfortunately, I lost a ton of tissue in my breasts. There is a lot of extra skin and they’re just terrible to look at. He’s a huge boob guy. I am planning to get a boob job to restore my breasts to when they were perky and full but I don’t have the funds yet. My face is ok. I’d like to get Botox soon as I am quite expressive when I speak. I was also thinking of getting some light fillers for facial rebalancing. The only issue is money. I pay for most of my own expenses now but I don’t have disposable income for expensive beauty treatments like that. I’ve thought about asking for him to pay for it but I don’t even know how to go about initiating that conversation or what to say to him during it. I can’t help but think fixing these things would help him be more attracted to me and want to take my pleasure more seriously in the bedroom. I’m tired of masturbating alone and feel pathetic after. I’m starting to resent initiating anything with him because I always get my hopes up that we will have sex or he will touch me. I don’t like this feeling. I have always been a giver in the bedroom but I’m beginning not to be one because of the building resentment. Making him orgasm used to make me feel so fulfilled and happy. Now, I just feel really empty and used after.

  1. I’m wondering if I should bring the sex issue up with him again and if I do how can I approach it in a feminine way. He’s also going through a difficult, long-term situation right now. I don’t think it’ll be resolved at least for many months from now.
  2. Has anyone had a similar situation and what did you do to fix it?
  3. Should I just accept that our sex life is never going to include my pleasure? Should I ask him that? I think if he says no I can make a decision on whether or not I can compromise on sex. He’s literally the perfect guy for me besides this one issue. I’m not sure what to do if he again says something like we will work on our sex life…
  4. Should I ask him to pay for Botox/filler and if so what should I say when asking him?
  5. He says he’s attracted to me but I know I’m not as attractive as the girls he follows or some of his exes (models). Any advice on ways to improve my appearance?
  6. Any other ideas on how to help my situation?

Sorry for the long post/vent but I’m getting desperate 😅