Hi ladies,

I’m looking for advice on how to improve my sex life with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. We have sex on average 2-3 times a month. I’ve never turned him down before and am confident I won’t ever in the future. I take care of him often outside of piv (practically everyday…although lately I haven’t). I wish we had sex more but I’ve made peace with the frequency.

Skills wise, he’s the best person I’ve ever been with. He was the first person to ever make me orgasm from piv and from using his fingers. I also feel the most intimate I’ve ever been with someone when having sex with him.

My issue is it’s very rare when he pays attention to me sexually. He’s made me orgasm less than 5 times…I masturbate alone which I was okay with for a while but now I’m starting to feel empty/depressed after. I also feel frustrated because I’ve gotten a taste of how good he is at pleasing me. I get my hopes up each time we do something sexual and feel pathetic afterwords when he doesn’t even bother to touch me. To make matters worse he’s shared with me how he used to make sure all his exes were very sexually happy and had orgasms often.

I feel insecure like I’m not attractive enough or worthy for him to be interested in my pleasure.

I just wish he was more invested in our sex life. I’ve brought this concern up a few times through out our relationship. Most recently, I tried to talk to him about it and he said we would talk about it later. We never did. I don’t want to hurt his ego or emasculate him regarding this issue. He’s also under a great deal of stress but that stress will be here for at least many more months.

At this point I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to bring my dissatisfaction up to him anymore. I’m also worried talking to him about this may backfire. I love having sex with him and making him feel good. I don’t want to leave him, he’s the perfect guy for me, and has improved my life in so many ways. This is something I may be willing to compromise on to stay with him. I’m just worried about the resentment building…I think I may feel better if we have a conversation about it. I’m also a terrible communicator and conflict avoidant so this situation is tricky for me.

How would you approach this situation? Am I asking for too much? Are there subtle ways to get him to take care of me without having a direct conversation?