Receiving Graciously

TheLadyPainter · 2015-08-20T20:32:06+00:00

Receiving graciously is definitely something I've had to learn to do. My mother taught me that I have to work for everything I want, which is not a bad thing, but she did it in a way that made it difficult to receive. She would tell me that if things were just handed to me, that I wouldn't know what it really means to have it. That I'd just disrespect the thing without realizing it, because I didn't have to work hard for it. She was talking about cars, an education, and houses - investments - but it still carried over in to my relationships in the form of insisting that I pay my share for all activities and not being able to accept gifts without extreme guilt.

My SO is very generous. He always pays for dinner and he won't have it any other way. Sometimes, he'll ask me to leave the tip... This hasn't fazed me too much, as I cook for him a LOT, but something that's taken getting used to is all the little gifts. More than once, we've walked by a store, and I've noticed a cute top or dress in the window - next week, it's in a little box for me. The first time he did it I was so baffled, I didn't know what to do, so I started crying (confused/happy tears?). He had to explain to me that he LIKES giving me nice things because he wants to make me happy... and he likes to see me in them. I'm still a little bewildered when he does this, but it's getting easier to skip the confusion and move on to the grateful/happy step!

As for what I do for him... I conform to his desires/needs. He's very good at stating what he wants, and I love to give it to him. Whether it's some sort of food preference, or him telling me to call him at a certain time, or some sort of outfit/fantasy he wants me to put together... All he has to do is say it, and I'm 150% there. As baffled as I am by his gifts, he's shocked at my enthusiasm/willingness to oblige him and play out his whims. Apparently, it's not a quality he's seen in a girl before.

Basically, I'm learning to be better about receiving, and he's becoming used to the fact that I want to make all his desires manifest. :)

KatherineKelly · 2015-08-21T00:27:46+00:00

I'm a natural giver because I draw happiness from seeing people happy plus it comes out of the instinct to nurture and protect but there is also the dark side of not being comfortable receiving.

When fear enters into the relationship as that fear of losing them or not being worthy of them than the good of giving becomes the bad of not wanting to receive to "keep control"

You keep them indebted to you by all that you have done for them that you than remind them of in moments of anger.(fear based giving creates resentment of the person you are giving to, i.e. anger) It is making someone indebted to you without them ever agreeing to the debt by that one sided relationship of giving but not receiving.

You also become very attractive to "takers" who have no problem receiving but a big problem giving.

I realized I was prostituting myself by always giving and not allowing others to give back. Giving becomes a form of emotional manipulation from a devalued sense of ones own worth that compels one to control through this manipulation.

It can destroy your sexual relationship when you find yourself using sex (giving sex) to get something. I had a fear of abandonment so used sex (being giving) to keep the person from leaving me and than wondered why I was losing my natural sexual attraction that was there so strongly in the beginning.

I resented them wanting sex because I had misused sex to buy something with it that I should not have (escape from the fear of them leaving me) and why I said I had prostituted myself

Giving must come from a good place and not one that comes from doubt, fear, negativity, ect..

Graciously receiving protects both people (Giver & Receiver) from dark reasons for not graciously receiving.

This was a very difficult lesson for me to learn because I could not see it clearly from "the good reasons for giving" (what is natural to me) being wrapped up with "the bad reasons for giving" (my imagined fears compelling me to control for self protection)

This was a very difficult behavior to overcome and finally be free of.

I am still a little uncomfortable receiving but I'm sensitive to the discomfort and understand it's source so do not give it power (react too it)

I can stand back and watch/feel the movement of my mind as it is happening (self awareness )

theladygourmet · 2015-08-21T02:37:16+00:00

I'm also a giver by nature, but to me the epitome of giving is GIVING what the other person actually WANTS. I might like the idea of planning a romantic day for my husband, but sometimes what he really wants is to treat me to something. In that way, receiving is actually giving to him. The effect is exactly what a giver wants...it's just the path there that's different.

I think taking good care of yourself is also vitally important. It not only makes you look better and feel better but it also shows him how you feel about yourself. Most women wouldn't be too attracted to a guy who lounged around in sweats all day and didn't do basic care. To us ladies he would seem like a bit of a loser and someone who had little to no respect for himself. I find that it's the same way for women. You don't have to be an 18 year old size 0 to be a woman who clearly cares for herself and revels in herself. I think when women care for themselves men are more attracted to them overall. My evidence is the number of times my husband has nearly mauled me after I've gotten home (all sweaty, but in spandex) from the gym :)

Title	Receiving Graciously
Author	Dailyreal
Upvotes	12
Comments	3
Date	August 19, 2015 4:16 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3hlmac/receiving_graciously/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/receiving-graciously.85538 https://theredarchive.com/post/85538

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