Struggling with my SO

MsSadieDunham · 2016-08-06T00:50:25+00:00

was masturbating to pictures of other women, while I was having a conversation with him

I'll put aside my personal feelings on pornography as I believe I'm in the minority in my opinion, however this is completely disrespectful! If he's going to do that and not get you involved he should wait until you guys are done talking and have disconnected. I feel you have every right to be upset about that.

That being said he probably was just put off or embarrassed that you called him out for doing something he knew he probably shouldn't be doing in front of you and didn't want to talk about it. As far as the whole "spark" thing goes, I have no idea.

sharontravels · 2016-08-06T15:59:46+00:00

Is this guy really Alpha/ Dominant? I'm thinking he's more Beta. He got defensive and hung up, which is what a child would do. Then made an excuse by saying there's no spark. Also Alpha men are not vague, they tell you the truth.

blindedbythebrights · 2016-08-06T13:13:52+00:00

Tonight he said he feels there is 'no spark', following me getting a bit irritated with him on facetime an hour or so prior; as he was masturbating to pictures of other women, while I was having a conversation with him.

To me, this is a message of him wanting to go and have sex with other women and not feeling it with you anymore. He seems to be pushing you away 'cause he's too scared to actively dump you.

Mentathiel · 2016-08-06T01:18:10+00:00

First of all, I don't think you guys share the same values when it comes to masturbation. You seem to think that it's somehow disrespectful or disloyal for him to masturbate to other women. Perhaps you feel like it's cheating or like he doesn't think you're good enough for him to get off on. Regardless, he doesn't seem to share the sentiment. This comes down to ethics, so if you share an ethical philosophy (say, you're both utilitarian and want to do what's best for your relationship/lives) maybe you should start from a common point and try to explain to each other how the act contributes positively or negatively in that context. He already said he wouldn't masturbate right now, so it's time to STFU regarding this, but if the issue happens to come up again, remember that he didn't do it to offend or cheat on you, but because he likely doesn't consider it disrespectful or disloyal and that you'll have to sort this out and agree or compromise.

Second of all, what you actually should have called him out on is the fact that it's disrespectful to start masturbating in the middle of a conversation with someone. It shows they don't have your undivided attention and that, frankly, you don't really care. That's actually an issue that you didn't seem to address. You should talk to him about it, but remember to come to him with your problem and be vulnerable. Your problem is that you don't feel appreciated and respected enough. Fullstop, no blaming him. Imo he is to blame, but he'll figure that out himself, no need to rub it in his face. Then allow him to solve the problem.

rproller · 2016-08-06T15:49:26+00:00

Was he masturbating to porn, or to other women he knows? If it's porn, I'd say it's a harmless release. I can understand you feeling offended if he masturbates to porn instead of having sex with you, but in that scenario, he's masturbating to a fantasy. I'd say let him have his fantasy.

The conversation changes completely if he's jacking off to pictures of a mutual friend or some other woman he actually does have access to. In that scenario, you'd have legitimate reason to be offended. However, this assumes that you two are exclusive. Unless you've had that conversation where he explicitly says he will have sexual relations with only you, don't assume that you're not just another plate.

hazelfox · 2016-08-08T16:03:52+00:00

he was masturbating to pictures of other women, while I was having a conversation with him

That's super weird and disrespectful. Regardless of what role porn plays in your relationship - for us, it's sometimes fun to watch a clip together as part of foreplay, for example - starting up with photos of other women while you're video chatting with your SO seems so odd and his other comments seem like he is trying to push you away. I want to give you some good RP advice but this relationship doesn't necessarily sound like one you will be satisfied in, long-term, if these sex-related issues (him saying he doesn't feel a spark yet sparking up his own engine during the video call) continue. :( I guess I would first ask if you think this man is someone whose First Mate you want to be, long-term?

rainyweathergirl · 2016-08-15T20:34:20+00:00

Your boyfriend is emotionally immature. I personally couldn't stay with someone like that. You have no commitments to this man, you are not married to him, you have no kids, you don't share any assets. I would drop him like a hot potato. There are plenty of pleasant men out there who are a lot more grown up than this.

Title	Struggling with my SO
Author	womaninred94
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	August 5, 2016 9:24 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4wcqnb/struggling_with_my_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/struggling-with-my-so.86362 https://theredarchive.com/post/86362

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