A couple days ago I posted about my first, first date since my recent breakup and it was also my first, first date since discovering RPW here: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/56up7r/first_first_date_postbreakup_nervous_excited_and/

In short, Jeff and I went out last night and there won't be a second date.

He decided that we should get drinks at a restaurant downtown at 8:00. The conversation flowed well and we had some good laughs. Like I said in my OP, I am charming and fun; it is never the dinner/drinks/conversation part that gets me. We each had two drinks and then he invited me to sit by his fire pit. I accepted, although I suppose I should have used that opportunity to bid him good night. While sitting around the firepit he pulled out a vaporizer (for marijuana) and starting taking hits off it. We live in a city where mj use is widely accepted and legal. He then started to put on the moves. First by putting his arm around me and then he abruptly started kissing me. Because he was high I think he misread my cues. I took the train downtown and I ended the night by telling him that I had to catch the next one to get home. I also told him earlier in the night that I had a software release and had to get home by 11:00 for a call. I was not lying. We did kiss goodbye and his hands did not wander, which I appreciated. Overall, I was really put off by someone smoking on a first date and it became apparent that he smokes a lot.

So now I will go into the details of the night and offer my best advice, for myself, and anyone else who encounters these types of things on the first date.

Getting Ready: I wore flattering jeans and a loose silky top. I originally had a skirt picked out but it's October and I knew he picked the specific restaurant for their rooftop. My hair was curled, lashes twirled and I put on fresh make-up but not heavy. Fresh as in after I got home from work, I washed my day makeup off and redid it rather than touching up. Piling on date makeup over work makeup looks heavy and if you have time you should make yourself as fresh as possible. Face, breath, body. Check.

Transportation: He lives in the heart of downtown and parking is always a pain. He offered to let me use his guest spot but instead I decided to take the train. That meant I needed to leave early and would have to walk 15 mins, but the brisk walk gave me a moment to gather my thoughts, calm my nerves and the crisp fall air gave my cheeks a little color. At the end of the night the walk back to the train stop was another chance to decompress. I highly suggest using transportation you control, whether it is driving yourself, taking an Uber or public transit. You don't want to get stuck anywhere. Parking a few blocks away is also not a bad idea.

Drinking: I looked at the menu ahead of time and knew what I wanted. The part that makes me nervous is that almost always you will order first. Either the server will ask you first or if they ask your date first, they may pass it over to you "Ladies first" style. I would have rather had him order for me, but for a first date that is difficult. We each had two drinks. When it came time to order the second or get the check, he ordered a second and I just followed suit, they were small drinks anyway. /u/SwayMyHeart gave great advice to eat a bit before the date. I second that. I ate a small lean cuisine before going because we were meeting at 8 and he made no mention of food. When our server asked if we wanted food, he said no, so there went the idea of not drinking until I get a little bit in my stomach.

Conversation: I let him lead and I found that he responded well to storytelling, of which I have many. Exes never even came up but my cat recently dying did and that was kind of awkward so I changed the subject quickly. He spent a fair amount of time talking about two of his recently married friends where he feels like the wife is too controlling of the husband and how he doesn't want a relationship like that. He gave 2 specific examples. First the wife is pressuring the husband into taking a job he doesn't think he wants. To Jeff's annoyance, they practiced interviewing during the game on Sunday at Jeff's apartment. Second, apparently this wife scratches her husband's head every night as he falls asleep and now he can't fall asleep without it. To him, both of those indicate that she controls him. I took the opportunity to learn more about what kind of relationship he does want. Here is how I asked: "It's hard looking at it from the outside to understand how a relationship like that works. I wouldn't know because it's not my style either. But I am curious, how would you handle that situation? What would you do if your newlywed wife wanted you to take a job that you're not that into?" His reply: "I guess you're right, I can't really judge them. I just wouldn't even interview for a job I don't want, let alone practice for it when you're a guest at someone else's house and you are there to watch football."

The Bill: Following other advice I was given, I offered to split the bill when it came. I simply said, "Would you like to split it?" and he said, "Yeah, sure. I mean, if that's what you want to do. But let me get the tip." I gave him my card. Afterall, don't offer if you are actually not willing to. I will say, after many years of dating, this is the first time someone has actually allowed me to split the bill. I forgot the mint part, although I did have them in my purse.

Ending the night: After drinks I shouldn't have gone to the fire pit with him. I thought going into it that it would be a good idea to set the expectation early that I wouldn't be staying late/over by telling him about my software release. Unfortunately, it became like a shot clock. I need to be home by 11 so we have 3 hours. Ready, set, go! When it actually came time to leave he doubted I had to work at all. "Suuure, go do your wooork." We did kiss but he did not walk me to the door or train stop. In the future I will look for the more natural opportunities to end the date. Again the best advice here is to not let it drag on. You should be leaving them wanting more.

Afterwards: He texted me about 20 minutes after I left to say "Hope you got home safe #sexylaunch." I replied with "On train now. Fingers crossed that the launch goes well! Thanks for the fun evening and have a good night :)" I have not heard from him yet today. I don't know if I will. I didn't really give him an indication that I was interested in seeing him again and pretty much just thanked him for taking the time to get to know me given the wildcard way we met.

Conclusion: It's back to the drawing board for me! I think he is nice and knows that he doesn't want to be in a controlling relationship but is not quite there in terms of captain qualities. Ultimately next because mj use, in general, is not a great but I am not completely against it (I am in the main city where it is legal; you can guess which one.) It's completely inappropriate the first date though.

Who knows how many more first dates I will go on and I will gladly share as I keep at it if anyone is interested on following my dating adventures, giving feedback and learning from my experiences. Cheers!