I’m just really struggling here. I am naturally an anxious person, so I also struggle to see if I’m being irrational or not with some of my worried.

I’ve(24) been dating my bf(29) for almost a year. He’s super serious about me, he talked to my parents about marrying me and plans to propose in a month or two. We align on values and what we want out of life for the most part. He’s a good guy, he is very in tune with me emotionally, very supportive and makes me feel safe, he’s great with kids, and my parents like him. He’s also very intelligent and hard working BUT- this is where I’m struggling.

He has had this wonky path. Like he comes from a well off family, went to private school, had good examples. He started as an engineering major in college but switched to Chinese and ended up never getting the engineering degree. Mostly on a whim and just not liking the engineering classes, as he was getting straight As there and wasn’t struggling academically. He traveled some and got a Masters in Chinese/Asian studies , then planned to pursue a PhD in similar stuff but he didn’t get Into the programs he applied to. So he enlisted in the military as an infantryman. This is where I really struggle. I really worry that he will not be able to be a provider financially. It’s always been my dream to be a SAHM. I cannot do the military life for much longer and he’s willing to get out and move near my family because that’s important to me and he tells me he will do his best to become that provider while also recognizing it may take time and he likely won’t make a ton of money at least starting out. Yes, if he just changed jobs in the military and did that for 5ish more years, he’d have an easier time, but at this point I can’t do more time away from my family as it’s made me pretty depressed, so he’d be getting out with only infantry experience.

I just worry. Sometimes I feel a little mad that he made what I consider, pretty stupid and impractical decisions before he met me. I was raised by parents pushing me to be practical and financially responsible so I chose a stable decent paying career path. My younger brothers have done the same and seem to have more maturity or at least practicality than this guy did at 25. I wouldn’t be so worried if he was 24, because I get it takes time to figure it all out but at 29, I’m feeling like he’s a little behind. He wants kids sooner if possible so there is that too. If kids were never going to be involved, I’m not sure I’d worry so much as I’d plan to continue working.

Am I worrying too much? People like even my parents, tell me it will be ok because he’s smart and very hard working, but I don’t know if they realize that the economy is different nowadays. A random degree alone is not going to get your foot in the door in most places. Nor is his infantry experience. I’m worried about having to be the breadwinner long term as I know it would lead to resentment on my part. However, he’s a good guy and he’s willing to give and sacrifice a lot for me and wants to be a provider. I think one thing that really attracted me to him was his intelligence and knowledge, we can have intense convos about life and philosophy and I’m always learning interesting things from him. He’s super sweet to me and can practically read me, which I’ve never experienced before. Plus we share a religious background and family values which seems harder to find based on other guys I’ve dated.