As someone who has recently been diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder, I have been reading up a lot on this condition.

I've read a lot about the anecdotal experiences non-BPD individuals have had with BPD friends/partners/family members. Earlier today I was reading TRP guides to recognising BPD women parts 1 and 2 and it really saddened me.

I would like to express a few points that I think were missing from the discussion:

  • Not all people who have BPD are evil. I'm not dismissing the negative experiences that many readers have had, but you can't paint all people with BPD with the same brush. Some of your experiences may be with people who have co-morbid conditions, such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder. Or maybe they just aren't very nice people - this may be completely independent of them having BPD.

  • I'm not entirely convinced that BPD is a personality defect, rather than a biological one. There is evidence to show that the brains of people with BPD have common abnormalities. People with epilepsy used to be labelled as having a psychiatric disorder and it's only in more recent times that it has been shown to have a biological origin.

  • In fact, there are theories that BPD may be on the bipolar disorder spectrum or linked to epilepsy. Many of the drugs that were original used for epilepsy are equally effective against BPD symptoms, which further lends weight to this theory.

  • When I'm appropriately medicated (which is all the time), the majority of my BPD symptoms either completely disappear or greatly diminish, including fear of abandonment, extreme anger, impulsiveness, feeling empty. The fact that whilst taking medication, I am extremely high functioning adds weight to the argument that it is not an intrinsic personality defect.

  • Not all people with BPD meet all of the diagnostic criteria. You only need to meet 5 of the 9 criteria in order to be diagnosed as such.

  • I don't self harm, although sometimes when I'm overwhelmed by emotions I get an urge to hurt myself as a distraction from the intense emotional pain and I might dig my fingernails into my fingers to help with this. It is not a cry for attention or help. It's because I'm so overwhelmed with the most intense, painful, difficult emotions you could possibly imagine that I need an outlet to cope. I imagine that many people who self harm (e.g. cutting etc) do so for a similar reason.

  • I also have stable relationships. I've never had a falling out with anyone in my life. I've got steady friendships that I've had for over 20 years and I've had a series of long term relationships that have ended amicably.

Despite the fact that I have BPD, I have a high level of self awareness about my condition. I am ashamed of my behaviour when I lose my temper, I don't blame others for "making" this happen, I take full responsibility. I realise when I'm being irrational and when I feel out of control. I'm also seeking treatment in addition to the medication and get regular therapy to help me to better manage difficult emotions.

I'm really concerned about the stigma associated with BPD. I'm worried that people may read posts like those on TRP and make assumptions about me that are false. This makes me want to hide my condition from people, when what I really want is to be able to be open about it and be accepted for my many positive virtues.

Edited to add link to research further supporting the view that BPD is a heritable brain disease, not unlike bipolar disorder: http://www.mdedge.com/currentpsychiatry/article/81185/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-heritable.