Always falling short.

AnonTheGreat01 · 2024-01-25T11:57:22+00:00

all my social skills and self confidence went out the window. And yes, it was bad, no exaggeration. For a while I turned back into that kid with no balls that i despised being. I haven’t had that happen in a long time, I felt like I was 15 again

Discomfort & failure is what makes you grow. Embrace it.

I was much like you, I'm 27 now, but around 21 was when I started to slowly ditch the loser persona. Still, it took from like 18 to 24 to go from an introverted geek to someone who can hold a decent conversation with anyone while looking them directly in the eye.

Nobody goes from a dork to 'natural' alpha in a year. To become really comfortable with yourself and fine tune your social calibration to a level where few people can out-perform/smart you in conversation takes probably a decade.

Most people don't even have the courage to take the first step though, so they keep being dorks.

mrrooftops · 2024-01-25T10:01:31+00:00

And you think you would be a 'better' person if you never went through things like this? You have your ideas of yourself back to front buddy. Aside from about 1000 men right now, no guy has achieved anything by 21 nor are they expected to. Stop comparing yourself to women.

Andgelyo · 2024-01-25T12:25:05+00:00

You’re 21. My life didn’t get better until 27/28. Failure is a good thing, you’re suppose to struggle at that age. Someone once say “women are born, and men are made”. I couldn’t agree more. Keep working hard towards your goals and you should be ok.

Professional_Job_958 · 2024-01-25T12:16:26+00:00

Everyone deals with problems in identity. It's normal to feel stupid or confused because you have all sorts of these emotions running through your head, clouding your thoughts and literally making you stupid.

But here is the thing that VERY successful people don't tell you. I know this will sound silly or ridiculous but hear me out. You have to ACT like you are something before you truly become that something.

If you want to be a natural ALPHA, do some journalling, positive affirmations, and adjust to an optimistic mindset, and you WILL change.

if you keep trying and never give up for 10 YEARS, do you really think you will keep failing. You have demons of the past that you need to reconcile with and you need to take action and think differently if you are to truly change and move on from this identity.

Just keep on going.

If you ever notice yourself falling into patterns of thought that says you are nothing more than a loser or whatever, blah blah blah, stop that train of thought, and say to yourself "Let go."

Doing the above helped me move on from my 'loser' identity and the things that version of me did in the past. But the brain is malleable. It can be anything you want it to be. You can be anyone you want to be.

It all starts with you.

bwazap · 2024-01-25T14:17:36+00:00

Relax. It's normal to regress. This happens with every skill. When we are stressed/anxious/fearful, we tend to drop one level. What has worked for me is 1) practice a lot 2) trust in your practice 3) get used to such situations by putting yourself in them (get on stage, perform etc).

Sometimes, the pressure is just in your mind. 1) The pretty girl in front of you is still just a girl, and still just a human. She struggles with the same performance issues too. Just treat her like any other person. Trust me when I say they WANT to be treated like a normal person (and those those who don't usually have some kind of psychological issue).

2) The audience can see you are anxious, but what they really want is to hear your song, so just focus on singing. In your case - a normal human interaction - keep it fun and lighthearted. If it's a date, keep it interesting while looking out for her.

Growth is a marathon, not a sprint.

BudgetInteraction811 · 2024-01-26T06:30:26+00:00

If that girl is really that attractive then you shouldn’t be embarrassed. Men fumble all over their words all the time when they talk to beautiful women; I’m sure she is used to seeing guys fall apart in front of her. She might even find it cute or endearing that you were awkward around her. You’re only human, man

BombasticBobby · 2024-01-25T12:14:53+00:00

Work hard.

Carl_Yu · 2024-01-25T14:00:54+00:00

Ok, but what exactly happened. Do you wanna share it or is it not important.

To me, it seems like you're being hard on yourself

Shit happens man

JohnsonBonesJones · 2024-01-25T18:46:01+00:00

What you described is that you have high self esteem but low self confidence. Esteem is built off thoughts and feelings toward yourself, but confidence is built through experience. Going to the gym isn't going to make it easy to talk to women, talking to women is going to make it easy. It just comes with time

nemesisuchiha7 · 2024-01-30T23:22:32+00:00

you gotta improve youself man, work out, get a job, it may sound cliche but is what need to be done, you can play ideogames but don't make that the main focus on your life, another advice, forget women, they are expensive and not worth it

Ragnardanneskjunior · 2024-01-25T15:29:14+00:00

It sounds like you are trying to fit the new you into a box that contained the old you. If you still live in the same town/house/ state/ country then move away for a significant period of time and work on those achievements. Breaking contact with your old social circle including your family will quiet the noise a good bit and you will get realistic feedback through trial and error and not the ball kicking that you get from people that knew the old you.

Petrofskydude · 2024-01-25T18:55:27+00:00

A few dudes at my gym have solved this problem. If you feel inadequate, just scream as loud as possible while doing literally any workout and you will start feeling important again, as everyone tries their damnedest to ignore you.

Interesting-Head9582 · 2024-01-25T19:34:28+00:00

I’m kinda, having hard years not time this is the 2nd year that i’m doing what i can without surrendering. This is the second year I’m struggling and failing what’ve noticed i accomplished somethings but not as i wished, maybe i’m slow compared to others maybe i’m real and others are faking it, but in my mind i’m trying to keep going when i fall, because i have hope things will change and i have small signs but not the big ones, maybe if i’m hopeless i will continue because there’s no other choice and i can’t confirm that i won’t succeed because no human can know the future, do you best and i believe solid and slow building get you high rewards

ShitDonuts · 2024-01-25T23:52:39+00:00

All this advice is too filled with emotion. Want to build confidence with anything all you have to do is do it until you succeed. Anybody can delude themselves and psyche themselves up into thinking they're confident which actually just arrogance. If I said I was really good at pool right before getting destroyed that doesn't mean I'm confident it means I'm just an arrogant retard. Build the confidence through not caring about failure and succeeding. Go eat shit with a bunch of attractive women and you'll build confidence in that context. Confidence isn't something complicated it's just being sure you can get bitches after failing a couple times. I know dudes who are shredded and all they do is focus on improving looks and they get less women because all they focus on is these external things.

ApeMindFitness · 2024-02-02T19:13:47+00:00

this feeling you’re describing is often the tipping point towards major change. the moment you decide to stop wasting your life.

it means you’re wasting your time and energy in external things, things that give you reward and comfort, dopamine. and you aren’t focusing on the things that will truly enrich your life in the long term.

you are visualizing what life will be like in 10, 20, 50 years when you are in deep shit. on your deathbed, wishing you spent your time as a young and able bodied man creating actual value in your life.

this is a good feeling. the feeling of missing out on applying yourself and creating your life at a time when this is critical.

stop giving into your temptations and get to work. stop talking about it and do it.

Title	Always falling short.
Author	throwinaway1999
Upvotes	41
Comments	24
Date	January 25, 2024 9:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/19f5sw9/always_falling_short/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/always-falling-short.1243760 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243760

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