Summary:

Funny story about an orbiter

Body:

Its friday. I decided to have a beer after work today. I went to Hooters cause its on the way and the girls aren't bad looking in my town.

I sit at the bar, order my drink and read on my phone.

A "man" and woman (hb 4 on a good day) sit next to me. The "man" leans over to me and in his best impression of what a man at a bar talks like says "Hi bud, (he actually called me bud. WTF) whatcha drinking?" I answered. He said "I'll have that." What a pussy. He was this scrawny little thing that just oozed bitchboy. He sat there listening to her talk about her boyfriend, how she took him to a strip club and he hated it, how she wishes she was hot like the girls there. She seemed like she was hoping, yearning, wanting, begging to see a man acting like a strong sexual man. Not going to happen with this little guy.

They talked (in very condescending, upper-middle-class-guilt tones) about the camaraderie they saw amongst the staff (in the 10 mins they were observing apparently they saw all the little intricacies of these people interactions.) Looked to me like they were just people working in a pretty busy bar. What would I know, I only spent 10 yrs in restaurants.

Whenever he was talking I could see her eyes wandering, glazed over, bored. Occasionally we made eye-contact and smiled. Then she would bring up something totally unrelated to what he was talking about. I wanted to scream at this bitchboy, "She's not listening! She's not going to fuck you! You're acting like a twat!"

She was even out drinking him by like 2:1 teasing him with "are you going to finish that." The whole time he's totally clueless.

Two things that really stood out to me.

*She said "wow, the girls here are really hot!" His response is something I will think of in my saddest times to bring a smile to my face, "I'm a conscious man, I don't use words like 'hot.'"

She was baiting him, like she did with her BF by taking him to a titty bar, to act like a man with a healthy sex drive. Shit test not only failed but not even attempted.

and

*When she ordered the wings, and she did all the ordering for the two of them, she asked for them to be prepared a certain specific way. He took notice and said. "That's great. You're empowered. You're like the definition of empowered." She did not respond. Instead she told him how she wanted to bring her BF here. He scoffed with indignation "On a date?!"

She had been trying to get some kind of reaction out of him and finally succeeded. Only this reaction made him slip further down into his friend zone hell.

About the time I was paying my tab he got up to pee. I leaned over to her and asked why do you hang out with this twat? She was surprised, Im guessing by me calling him a twat, but she said "He's fun, its like hanging out with a girl but he's a boy."

I paid and left with a smile on my face.

There you have it. Straight from the horse's mouth.

Lesson learned:

Don't be an orbiter.