Bro-help

GayLubeOil · 2017-07-13T14:55:29+00:00

Pretty sure don't be a bitch is the hallmark of bro advice. You basically just walked into a Chinese restaurant. Told us Chinese how hungry you are, and then declared that you don't want to eat Chinese food.

As a metaphorically Chinese person this angers and confuses me. If you don't want metaphorical Chinese food why did you come to my metaphorical Chinese restaurant?

d3g4d0 · 2017-07-13T14:45:02+00:00

I went through a difficult 6 month stretch between 11/15 and 5/16. I split up with my girl of nearly 4 years, still had not graduated from college, and was pretty depressed.

One day I woke up and decided I wasn't going to live like this anymore.

So I did the following,

Made an appointment to see a male therapist. Having a trained, male professional to talk to made a world of difference for my psyche and helped me realize my situation at the time was not as bad as I was making it out to be.
Made it a point to exercise every day. I began riding my bicycle every day. First like 2 miles (because my cardio sucked) but eventually, I got up to 10 miles and then 50 mile days. This did wonders for my mental health.
Stopped smoking as much weed as it gave me tons of anxiety that negatively reinforced my bad outlook on life at the time.

Viewing your post it is easy to pick out some things you need to change immediately and it would appear you already know what they are because you mentioned them.

Make a conscious decision today to stop making excuses and wrestle back control of your life. Quit smoking, eat well (this is so important), and lift.

I heard a good quote recently that applies here and it goes, "If times are great, they're going to get worse. If times are bad, they're going to get better."

P.S. Don't be a bitch.

Yorknew · 2017-07-13T14:46:41+00:00

Get back in the gym. The struggle of lifting will give you enough discipline and determination to figure your other shit out plus many more benefits.

Don't get into therapy, most will tell you a bunch of pseudo-intellectual faggotry that will probably just fuel a victim mindset.

If you've got any close bros who you know will support you, vent to them and get it out.

This world is hard. I'm probably much younger than you but in my short life this is what I've learned. The male existence is a perpetual struggle, but you can come out on top. Just keep working.

As for the job aspect, I'd reccomend looking into Welding, Learning how to do basic coding (Well paying once you get the basics, one of my dawgs does it. Of course, He's got the analytical mind for it. I'm analytical too but its just not for me LOL), Carpentry.

Those are all I can think of right now since you said you don't really have any useful degrees. Keep on fightin' my nigga.

Shit'll get better if you put in the effort.

Monsterzz · 2017-07-13T15:57:37+00:00

You got to get through it. You are your thoughts. You think you are sad and defeated that is what you are. You think it's not over and you have a chance then you will. I would not go to therapy just yet. It is quite expensive. Sometimes it just takes a few weeks for things to change. Sometimes it takes years.

There's a story I read in a dale carnegie book. There's this miserable person who is from Chicago and is hopeless in finding a job and what not. He drops his life and moves to Miami. Then in Miami he still has the same troubles finding a job and being happy. He's homeless and doesn't know what to do. His dad had given him a letter and told him to open it in Miami. It was pretty much saying. You're still miserable right? You've dropped everything and left but you took one thing with you and that is yourself.

Personally I think you need to reconsider your options. People these days are too fixed in college + degree = job. And that's not necessarily true. Sociology is not an easy major to get a job for. Especially if you don't have masters degree. A possible choice would be learning a trade.

Don't think going and living with your parents is a bad idea. It'll save you a lot of money and give you some time to get something done without starving to death. I wouldn't focus too much on women if you haven't got yourself done well yet. Unless you find yourself a sugamomma and then you may be set. But I mean the biggest thing is to not allow yourself be defeated. As long as you draw breath you fight.

Fulp_Piction · 2017-07-13T15:21:35+00:00

Happiness is borne out of doing hard shit. Your life just became hard? Great! More opportunities to overcome something and feel good about it. Check out the Jordan Peterson's most recent appearance on Joe Rogan's podcast for some really cool understandings of where you're at at the minute and how to get out of there.

I learned the above, and also learned about my motivations and what they actually are. Each time you want to do something you create a sub personality that embodies that goal. It's literally a little person in your brain convincing you to do something. It's that voice you hear when you're faced with a decision, it has it's own rationalisations and perceptions and will try to convince you that it's advocating the best choice. Often times it's pure temptation. It is the hamster that we see so often in women. Learn your motivations and their ego states, which ones are helpful or a hinderance, and judge them on their projected results. Give the correct ego state control in the correct situations.

Eg. During football training I allow myself to get a bit angry when I lose so that I push myself. I let the things that I don't really care about matter for a while because it's fuel driving my competitiveness, which drives my results.

I was you not so long ago and this works for me.

beltwaytr · 2017-07-13T22:50:42+00:00

Unfortunately part of the male plight is no one wants to hear about your hard times. This includes men as well and more often than not you will get the callus remarks without much or any substance.

Luckily not everyone here is without a sympathetic ear. I have been in the same position as you and I remember the feeling all too well. I was fired from one job and laid off from the second. My woman at the time abandon ship and it felt like life was just over.

My friend's old man heard the news while over hearing me vent to his son about everything. He came over handed me a beer and gave me probably the best advice I'd ever gotten.

He said "Son, I totally understand where you are coming from and how you feel. When I lost my job at the factory my wife was pregnant with my boy and I was at my all time low. What got me through was just simply setting aside what I couldn't control, accept it, make a plan to change it and follow through. If you make a plan immediately your stress always goes away"

I took what he said to heart and I've been straight even during hard times. Its important to cast aside what you can't control and just follow through with your plans.

FieldLine · 2017-07-13T16:17:17+00:00

Please, none of that "Don't be a bitch" stuff, it isn't particularly useful advice.

See, but it is. Every successful guy realized at some point that he isn't special or unique. There's nothing coming to him just because he exists. Once you realize that, well, it's easy to improve because you know exactly what you need to do, and it's all within your control.

Lifting is the perfect example of this -- you get out of it exactly what you put in, no more, no less.

Surprisingly..I haven't been having trouble with women.

Surprise. You've discovered the dirty secret that your success with women can be totally orthogonal to how much you're winning at life.

To address your actual question -- I used to be very religious, and even though I never really believed, I never had the cojones to jump ship because religion offered my life structure gave me a purpose. More importantly, it gave me an excuse -- all of my successes and failures could be attributed to the man in the sky, relieving me of personal responsibility.

To throw that all away and take accountability for your successes and failures, that's some scary shit, dude. In my case it was more obvious, since I had the religious thing, but most people don't even think about it. They just go through the motions, getting old at a cubicle, retiring, and hoping to die before suffering the indignity of shitting their pants because they couldn't make it to the bathroom on time. They never take responsibility.

You just have to trust the process, and believe it will get better. There's no magic pill, no secret formula. You just get it done, because that's what you do to succeed.

You are responsible for your own success.

greatslyfer · 2017-07-13T21:28:46+00:00

Started smoking again

Don't let your emotional guard down, or else this shit happens. Check yourself, that's all I can say, pretty much your call to stop that bad habit from coming back, it's a bad sign that much more will come in terms of bad habits and the rabbit hole that is called depression.

2017-07-13T16:11:47+00:00

Have been in a similar situation for a few years.

Swallow your pride and live with your parents or siblings if you can for a few months or a year. They're the only people in the world who will let you live with them relatively rent free, unless you have one of those rare friends who is really cool.

Take a trade course or part time technical degree, work part time and exercise. Meditate and learn to enjoy the simple things in life. Your true friends will stick around and the fake ones will fade away. Don't focus on women as much until you have a solid ground to stand on.

Develop your own inner strength, and with enough discipline and hardwork you will soar. All the best.

cbogart2 · 2017-07-13T16:44:15+00:00

Only advice is this- start small and stick to something you can do every day. Lift- or run, or learn or something to move you forward to make your life better. Gradually increase the time, energy and effort.

Docbear64 · 2017-07-13T17:06:42+00:00

you were laid off , are you unable to find jobs similar to the one you had? Clearly you were qualified enough to get that one , was it a entry-level job or something ? I get not being able to progress because of a shitty degree that's unfortunate but you picked a poor major to pursue but I don't get why you wouldn't at least be able to attain a similar job.

ranoutofthrowaways2 · 2017-07-13T19:35:39+00:00

How have you guys coped with hard times?

Meditate. Learn to really go deep into your pain and stop running away from it. Absorb the pain, and then do research, and start moving on. Go enroll in community college, start learning a new skill, start searching for new jobs, do something useful instead of fucking with yourself.

In "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Toille, he mentions that when we're in pain, the pain body inside us likes to create more pain because you're so comfortable in your own misery. Get the fuck out of that cycle, because that seems like what you're falling into.

PhishPhan700 · 2017-07-14T21:39:01+00:00

I'm happy to report that within a day of making this post I was able to land an entry level job at a new business that should be opening within the next month. It's not a dream job, but it's a step toward getting back on my feet. Thanks for all the advice bro's and dudes, just more proof that men need a community like this.

PhucCheet · 2017-07-13T19:08:31+00:00

How have you guys coped with hard times?

I've coped with hard times, but just job loss doesn't even come close. "Don't be a bitch" might be appropriate here. Man the fuck up.

But as the days have turned to weeks and the realization that my fairly useless Sociology studies in Uni do not seem to be landing me any kind of a career or even a job

Why did you even study Sociology? It's a tough job market. Consider upgrading your education to something with better job prospects.

Started smoking again, haven't been taking care of myself or eating right, stopped working out.

This is the big problem. Your mind will be healthier when your body is healthier. Hit the gym. Eat better. Quit smoking. Save the therapist money.

caffeinum · 2017-07-13T14:56:16+00:00

I do stuck to the low eventually. I even got used to it and greet these states. Right now I am at the job I don't like, in debt, no women and no Thing. What helps me:

Loving friends. The ones you feel comfortable around. The ones you can talk about anything and who love you for who you are. That can be a SO, a collegue or a parent. Make them more in your life, surround yourself with support. We are social creatures.

Money. When I have much cash, I feel very different. When I'm down on money, I want nothing.

A Thing. Something that inspires you. Some new project, some work. Maybe, sidework to your current dayjob. Maybe, start your own business around something you love. Sports: running, workout. Messing around and tuning your car, your computer. Something to feel yourself DOing something. We as men need this feeling. Some challenge, maybe.

What don't helps me:

Self-pity. Even if it feels so nice to drown yourself in the pity pool, it's not gonna help, it only worsens. Yes, you should aknowledge this down-state, but don't let yourself bury down it and feel good because of it. It's not you should forbid yourself this, no-no-no. You just stop liking it.

As they say, the easiest thing in the life is to be sad. Happiness takes some work. So go ahead and build yourself up.

Title	Bro-help
Author	PhishPhan700
Upvotes	22
Comments	32
Date	July 13, 2017 2:04 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6n1sns/brohelp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/bro-help.44642 https://theredarchive.com/post/44642

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