TLDR Went out with a girl, she didn't like me romantically, felt like shit, realized I was putting her in a pedestal, went out and approached, bitching and moaning, hah.

So today was an interesting day. I went out with a girl I met on Saturday, lets call her Sarah. Right before meeting up with her I approached a few girls. Some of it was good some of it didn't bite. As the noon approached I went in the coffee shop we were suppose to me meet .

The conversation was great. I made her laugh and I learned a lot about her. I was touching her as well around the arm and the knee. I wondered if I could kiss her or if she felt anything about me. Sadly nothing happened as I realized she didn't see me like that. I was dropping hints but she didn't seem to realize it. We walked outside but it was just normal. I asked when the next time we can see each other. She told me that she's super busy and that she has to see.

After we parted ways a surge of disappointment and sadness engulfed me. I acknowledged the negative thought like Russ Harris wrote about in his book; The Confidence Gap. No matter how much I acknowledge it and tried to defuse the thought it would come back. I approached in the same area but my heart wasn't in it. The approaches were dull. I was feeling very down. The truth was that I was disappointed. I wasn't disappointed for the fact that Sarah didn't like me romantically, I was disappointed in the fact that I wasn't the guy she was hoping to be attractive to, if that makes sense? It's hard to explain.

To me the coffee hangout was great. There was banter, jokes, the energy was there but it wasn't enough. I'm mad, disappointed and depressed that It wasn't enough. Even though I believe it was my best I guess it wasn't in her eyes. It sucks knowing that you gave it a 110% but it still wasn't enough for her to be attracted to you. Thinking and writing about this I knew that I was putting her in the pedestal, trying to get approval or make her attracted.She told me she visited her best friend who goes to an out of state college. I asked if she met someone there and had a fling and said yes.(AWALT).

I don't know why it's bothering me. I guess I should get use to this, use to woman not being attracted or that they don't put the same effort or flaking or canceling at the last second. Speaking of canceling, I was going to meet up with another girl later that but she texted me that she had something to do and asked to reschedule. She didn't pick a date so I'm just going to assume that she didn't want to meet and decide not be honest about it.

Man, putting yourself out there is like putting your balls on the chopping block. The amount of bullshit and mental fatigue is astounding. The one thing that was popping up in my head today was; "Why is there so much bullshit just to meet someone?" I had to snap myself out of the special snowflake mindset and embrace the suck. I approached the same area and moved on to another. I had decent results. Got tons of boyfriends and not interested blah blah blah. I got one number today but I'm telling myself to take it with a grain of salt. I walked around and practiced. Some good and others not so good.

Regardless of what happened today I'm proud that I hanged in there and didn't let my thought totally consume me. I managed to control it but it wasn't for long. I need to tame my mind and these thoughts. I'm not going to have time to approach from tomorrow to Friday due to work but I guess it's way of taking a break and recuperating.