Summary - there has been a lot of talk on TRP about children lately. I will talk about what to do in the event of a separation and how to try and obtain the best outcome.

Most of TRP says don't get married, don't have kids. I 100% disagree. There is a lot of fulfillment to having kids, they say stuff like dad don't worry if you get sick we will look after you. Dad we have to stick together, all we have is us. I don't like other people's kids, but somehow biology equips you so you don't feel the same way about your own kids.

The title sums it up, do not negotiate with terrorists or kidnappers. I have experienced this first hand, the woman will use your own kids against you and make unreasonable demands. Society and most lawyers will always play the "For the sake of your kids card repeatedly" expect zero support from your family, society, most of your friends and acquaintances etc. You might get some in places that will surprise you, but don't expect it. You will be that bad guy.

Expect stuff like this from the woman either directly or indirectly as in through a third party. Your kid is suffering, I need $X for Y, if you really loved your kid you would cough up money right away. Don't fall for it, it will hurt like hell but do not give any money unless you are getting something in return with tangable benefits. Don't hesitate to say something like well if you are not up to looking after the kids, return them to me right now. In most cases the woman might have enough money to look after your kids, but like a terrorist she wants power over you and if she spots weakness she will exploit it. Do not show any emotional weakness.

Help can come from surprising places. When this happened to me several years back, I had an older friend who I later found out was a single dad before his kids grew up. He would give me advice like "Lift yourself above the situation so you can see the entire picture, you need to do this to find solutions". He then referred me to a good lawyer where I found out that most of the things my previous lawyer had advised me on where wrong.

Always play legal, examine with your lawyer legal ways you can make your wife's life hell. The first thing my new lawyer told me was don't give your wife a penny unless you legally are obliged to do this. If possible fight for every penny you are giving here. So if you are legally obliged to give her $100, spend $500 fighting this because she will have to spend at least $500 also fighting. When she sees it doesn't make economical sense she will start to see reason. Every country has legal loopholes that can be exploited or misused. Look for them and research yourself.

Do not negotiate with terrorists. Wife will repeatedly try and play the hostage card asking for sometime. If she communicates with you, do it over text or messaging that way you have a copy. Do not argue with her or threaten. It will be the standard kid needs X if you love him send money now. Reply back if you are not capable of handling the kids drop them off at my house. She will then possibly use abusive language etc. Dont fall for this trap. Reply back, it seems you are having problems handling the kids, drop them off at my house and bye. Expect a zillion messages of threats, saying what an asshole you are and all sorts of nasty. Don't reply back to them. If need be, turn off the sound on your phone and put it in a cupboard. Seriously.

After a couple months of this the woman will see her hostages (your own kids) have no value to her. After that she will then be willing to come to reasonable terms and in many cases give you 100% custody.

You might say, my wife is a reasonable woman she would never do this. That actually might be the case, normally she might be. But the moment you separate all her friends will be telling her how to screw you over. Her family will be advising how to screw you over. Possibly your own friends might be giving her advise how to screw you over ☺

Summary - when there are kids involved they will be used as hostages against you. If the hostage taker sees the hostage has no value they will be willing to come to amiable terms. The most reasonable woman will use every emotional trick in the book, it will hurt like hell. When faced with these things, I often got comfort with the Bible worse, if they hand offends thee cut it off, if thee eye offends thee pluck it out. In times of hardship, one needs any string to hold onto. For what ever reason that bible verse helped me.

The law is stacked against you, society is stacked against you. There are actually many single dads, but you don't hear about them. In most of the cases they used tactics similar to mine. It is not a hopeless case, don't give up. Many times you dont hear about single dads because no one gives a shit about single dads ☺

Edit:

Watch out for you own female family members. Especially your own mom. So my wife got ahold of my mom and sisters. She then twists things out of context, comes up will all sorts of alleged abuse.

My mom then takes the side of the wife, she starts out and out accusing me of hitting the wife. I asked her, did the wife actually say I hit her. She says well no, but when you where a kid, hamster hamster.

Then my mom was almost gaslighting me. Saying stuff like maybe you lost control and hit her and then you forgot.