Long time lurker, first time FR. My experience was limited until college. Found myself in an LTR where I was beta of the year 6 years in a row. (Seriously, I would take photos of her for her “fashion blog” on my days off).

Didn’t get that I had put myself second for a chance at consistent sex and not much else for about 6 year. Few friends got married at 23 and I started to realize that there’s no way I can be in a relationship like this until death. Ended things. That was about 2 years ago. I’m 28 now.

Since then, I’ve been constantly meeting and dating new girls, but always felt at their mercy. Constantly texting girls for attention, trying to be a boyfriend after 2 dates. Telling them my insecurities / issues - basically drying them up thinking that I’m building intimacy / closeness. Desperately trying to show them I’m Not like the other guys...you know, the ones they fuck!

Anyways I find this sub and read and read, now I have a story for you.

Summary: went on 3 dates over the long weekend. Slept with 2/3.

Date 1: M.

Met this girl at my kickball league, we usually fool around (makeout in the corner, kino etc.) at the bar but she never goes home with me because LMR that I can’t beat. After the season we decide we will go out for drinks ($$$). We meet at a bar I usually take girls. It’s a nice cocktail bar during the week and usually pretty quiet. I get there on Saturday and it’s loud as hell with no place to sit.

My date arrives and we order drinks, after the first drink I tell her we’re gonna go to a different bar because this one is no good. We’re literally standing by the bathrooms talking.

We get to the other bar I know. This one has booths. We sit down, and at first she is going to sit across from me, I tell her to come sit next to me (because I can’t touch her if she’s that far away). We order another drink, makeout in the Booth.

I pay - which is stupid but that’s me sometimes. Need tips on suggesting a split.

Go back to my place, yadda yadda have sex. Afterwards I play a stupid video and a song I like for her (WHYYYY???). - This is for girls, not for guys...

She leaves, texts me the next day she had a good time - cool.

Lessons: know the bar / area. You’re the master of this date. don’t take girls to bars you don’t know. Sit next to each other always.

Date2: H

Met this girl on bumble, we have gone out before but on the first date I chickened out when it came to asking her to go home after making out(seriously, always do it). Girls feel rejected if you don’t try / ask to be in a situation where you can bang them. They want to feel like they’re making you wait.

Either way, we go to this new bar (neither of us have been). First mistake. She got there before me. Second mistake. Date was at 8, but she is historically prompt, I should have gotten there at 7:45 instead of 7:55. It’s a mistake because this girl chose a seat right by the door which kept us freezing in our coats. My third mistake was not teasing her about her bad selection and leading us to a new area to sit. But, as you’ve probably already guessed - this girl is my crush out of the three.

Mid lesson: Don’t let them lead these early dates. Be the man.

Now I was a little drunk when I got there because I had been watching football all day with my bros - 4th mistake (a man should be the most sober for any date).

Okay so we chit chat, can’t kino because it’s so cold, can’t do anything right on this one. At least the conversation is good? Idk we decide to watch a TV show at my place afterwards. She comes over, says she is too sick to kiss. A few minutes later calls an Uber and we say our goodbyes. We split the checks on all dates so far so at least there’s that.

Lesson summary: zero leadership, zero control. I was along for the ride on this one and she left after seeing enough. I’ll probably not ask her out again because the frame is lost.

Date 3: K

Another girl from the Internet. Have been on a few dates, but no sex - chickening out / don’t want to seem like I’m only after sex..but let’s be honest... We usually split everything. It’s probably 60:40 but I make more for sure so idc (probably bad mindset).

We do brunch, but sit at a table across so no chance for kino. (Seriously always sit next to them, you’re starting from behind if you’re across). After we eat, We go to the bar downstairs where we can be closer. Go to another bar where we chat with the male bartender about dating / sex etc.

Now my girl is cute and it’s clear the bartender is interested, but I don’t let this bother me. On dates, I find it’s a good idea to engage with the bartender because it shows you’re a fun person. Some guys get but hurt because their girl is paying attention to another guy, but if you can stay involved in the convo, think it works well. Sometimes you can take the bartenders side and tease your girl, sometimes you side with your girl. It’s fun. Don’t get jealous and make sure you’re touching her a lot so she doesn’t forget who she’s there with.

We talk about getting a deck of cards to play a game at the bar and she wants me to go alone to the store. The old me would have said, “okay dear, I’ll be right back.” I tell her, “no way, we’re both going. I grab her ass and tell her to put her coat on.” So we go to the store, makeout along the way. Grab the cards. I call the bartender as a joke to ask if he wants anything from the drugstore. We’re all dying laughing on the phone. Grab the cards and go back to the bar. This is called being fun.

We go back to the bar and play cards. On the way back I pass by a girl and say something dumb to her, she winds up coming over to play cards. Obviously my girl picks up on this and comes a little closer. Accidental abundance but I’ll take it. I chat with her for a bit and return to my girl. I tell her we should head out, get the check. The bartender took great care of us — free drinks and a hit from his device. I leave a nice tip (paid again, but we split brunch). Head home and smash. It was great.

Lessons from this one: involve anyone you can and Show her you’re a great time. Show her you aren’t a jealous type. Lead lead lead.

Epilogue: girls 1 and 3 texted me already this week. Guess who reached out first to girl 2. Long way to go, but progress.