A little background before the FR.

I've been reading about red pill for almost a year now but its been only a couple months since its actually sunk in. I just turned 33 this summer and I have been the textbook pathetic beta for most of my life. My teens and majority of my 20s were spent aimlessly smoking pot, playing video games and falling for girl after girl. Terminal oneitis after another. I have enough intelligence and superficial charm to snag jobs that I'm barely qualified for that I lose after 6 months from not caring or performance issues. Money was always an issue in my 20s. Escapism was the modus operandi. I've always been skinny and decent looking enough to get a random hookup here and there but once the girl takes one look at my life, she's out. No real relationships to speak of other than a 9 month stint with a land whale that I was shamed into dating. That's how bad I was. Despicable.

I had been living in a small suburb north of Los Angeles the entire time. Admittedly I was too timid and afraid to venture out into the big city. The small suburb was safe and comfortable and I wasn't pushed to change in any real way. At 31 I decided enough was enough. I moved to Culver City in Los Angeles and started working IT contracts for various companies. The jobs were unstable but it was better money than I was used to making. Around winter of last year (still taking my blue pill daily) I decided to try out Tinder. I had some varied success with it but ended up getting oneitis hard for a ONS. This is what led me to the red pill. I read the sidebar and everything hit home really hard. I was angry and ashamed at myself for my past behavior. I wish I had found this when I was 19 and not 32. But there was still a disconnect. Understanding the concepts and putting them into practice were two different things.

The breaking point came this summer. I was working at shitty contract job at UCLA barely making 35k. I met an entitled persian princess from Orange County and started dating. She was easily an 8 and just turned 28. Her younger sister has just graduated from medical school and married another doctor. She was on the hunt for her beta bucks and was frustrated that she hadn't found her tall, handsome prince charming that made 6 figures. Needless to say I didn't measure up to her laundry list of standards. Of course, I got oneitis for her bad. It turned out to be one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I told myself, never again. Never again will I allow myself to be in this position. After things ended with Jasmine™, she continued to contact me against my wishes wanting to be "just friends". She called me on my birthday to wish me a happy one and I responded by telling her to delete my number and never contact me again. Finally she got the message.

This was the turning point. The contract at UCLA had expired and I went through a brief stint of couch surfing trying to get back on my feet. Something clicked and I finally got it. The fire lit somewhere deep down inside. I landed a job in Beverly Hills making 70k a year. I started going to the gym 4 days a week lifting weights. I started reading red pill daily and internalizing the information I got here. I completely took control of my diet and started cooking all meals myself. Everything changed. Its only been about 2 months since this change took place but its been a night and day difference. I feel amazing. The job stability combined with my new attitude and the exercise has transformed my outlook. I can actually say that I'm happy with myself for the first time in my life. I'm just disgusted that it took me so long to get here.

I told myself I want to take a year to monk mode and get into better shape and get my finances in order. I wanted to not worry about dating and just focus on building value in my life. Even though this is the highest salary I've ever gotten, I'm not satisfied. I'm working towards getting a developer job. I'm not resting on my laurels. I want more for my life. It's been difficult because I have been getting more female attention. I got onto /mfa and bought some nice, well-fitting clothes. I feel like a man for the first time in my life.

Now for the FR. While I was at UCLA I had met a girl we'll call Melissa. Melissa was a medical technician in the building I worked at. She was cute, an 8 in my opinion. She was single and very outgoing. She was the one who had expressed interest in me at the time but I was involved with Jasmine™. Melissa invited me out to happy hour a couple times but I blew her off. I stopped talking to her in May.

A couple weeks ago I got a text from Melissa asking how things were going. I told her about the new job and that things were going well. I asked her how she was. I mentioned that we never did get together for happy hour. She laughed and said yeah, what gives? I responded by saying my superhero side job has kept me pretty busy but I think the commissioner will allow me a day off sometime soon. She responded saying "Haha, omg I've missed you." I suggested we hang out soon and she agreed. Even though I had told myself that I was going to ignore women this year and focus on my goals, I had let this one get away before and decided I shouldn't let that happen again. Plus my testosterone levels are increasing from the lifting and my sex drive is through the roof. I called her a few days later and set up a date. I thought I would do the gentlemanly thing and meet her in Studio City where she lives. It's a bit of a drive for me but I figured she would travel for me the next time we went out.

I don't have a car at the moment and took subway an hour and half up to Studio City. I was a few minutes late and she was waiting for me at the bar when I arrived. We got a table and ordered drinks and food. The next 2 hours went by amazingly well. She asks how my life is going and I tell her about how fantastic everything is. New job, new apartment, lifting, reading, etc. Life is going great right now and she seems kind of surprised. There was some teasing on my part during the rest of the conversation but everything was lighthearted and she played along. She mentioned that she just turned 29 and is the youngest of 3 sisters, all of whom are married. This set off a red flag for me but I ignored it for the moment. After a couple hours and a few drinks and appetizers, the bill came. She went for her purse but I told her I would get it. She asked if I was sure but I told her to just buy me a drink at the next place.

We left the bar and walked along Ventura Blvd to another place. As we were crossing the street, she saw a McDonalds.

"Can we stop and get ice cream there?' she asks.

In my mind I'm thinking, I don't want to eat anything from the McDs menu, let alone ice cream. I give her a smirk and said, "Maybe if you're good."

We get the next bar and everything just seems to fall apart. Its loud and crowded in this place and we are having trouble hearing each other. We start to run out of conversation topics and it seems like everything I'm saying is starting to piss her off. She pulls out a light jacket from her purse. I asked if she was cold and she responds "No, I'm hot that's why I put the jacket on." in a snarky, not playful tone.

We were sitting at the bar and a few minutes later a large European man comes up behind us. He puts his arm around me and says "Hey buddy, no disrespect to you." Then he tucks in the tag on Melissa's jacket. She gets a creeped out uncomfortable look on her face but I just let it pass.

She asks me if I had any plans for the labor day weekend. I told her I had to clean my apartment. I told her its a wreck since I've been cooking a lot lately. She mentions that she hates cooking but she usually had a really good diet of fruits and vegetables. I laughed at her and said "This is coming from the girl who just asked for ice cream from McDonalds." She frowns at me unamused. I also remembered when we worked together at UCLA that she was frequently getting fast food for lunch.

"Weren't you really into In n' Out not too long ago?" I asked.

"Yeah but that was a long time ago. I've changed that."

"A long time ago?" I laughed. "You mean 2 months ago?"

"You know I really hate it when people say stuff like that. Just because I eat stuff like that once in awhile doesn't mean I don't have a healthy diet the rest of the time."

The mood has definitely changed here and I felt like I'm losing control of the situation.

"And you know I was just joking about the ice cream." she adds.

Ok,this night is started to come undone. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom and takes her purse. She comes back a few minutes later and says that she's really tired. I tell her we can finish our drinks and leave. There was more awkward small talk where she's not even looking at me when she responds. We get the check and she pays for the drinks. She had gotten dropped off by a girlfriend and was expecting me to take her home. I told her that I would call us a cab. I got on my cell phone to look up the number for one.

"Ugh.. I don't know why you don't just use Uber."

"Hmm. I don't know. They're kind of expensive." I reply. This is probably left over from my old way of thinking when I was barely making ends meet. Of course I could have afforded an Uber ride and I caved. The SUV picks us up in front of the bar a minute later.

She sits in the middle of the seat close to me, not the far side as I was expecting her to based on her attitude. But I took advantage and sat close to her rested my hand on her leg as we rode back to her house. She asked a few more banal getting-to-know-you questions on the ride and mentioned that we should do happy hour sometime soon since we both work on the same side of town. We pull up to her house and her mood has improved a bit. I tell the driver to wait and I walk her up to the door of her apartment. She tells me she had a good time and that we should do this again sometime. I put my hands on her hips and start to draw close but I was thrown off by her attitude at the end of the night that I hesitated and turned my head and smiled. She reached out and kissed me on the cheek but I turned and kissed her on the lips for a few seconds before she pulled away. She told me again she had a good time and told me to text her when I got home. I got back in the SUV disappointed how the night had gone.

Later that night I shot off a quick text saying "Hey I had a good time tonight. I promise the next kiss won't be so awkward :p".

Complete silence. Haven't heard from her since.

And now I feel myself slipping back into the blue pill thought pattern. What did I do wrong? Was I too much of a rude dick? I don't want to go back to that old person. But I want to glean what lessons that I can from this. My goal is self-improvement on all levels. What can I take away from this experience?