Freedom vs Access

Meat-on-the-table · 2016-03-13T16:24:26+00:00

All anecdotes have proven that women resent when men enjoy anything without them. It brings a feeling of being superfluous. This is why there has been such a drive in recent years to infiltrate all male spaces.

The end result,though, is that women resent the men for allowing their frame to cave and no longer being the rock that they want/need.

The balance is delicate, but a crucial one for long-term success.

TheBearMonk · 2016-03-14T13:07:14+00:00

I think frame is by far the single, most important factor in maintaining your power/sexual desire in plating as well as LTRs. I would go so far as to say that “frame” is the power struggle behind all intersex relationships. To use an analogy I read elsewhere: a woman that's sleeping with you (and I mean really fucking you, not duty BB once a month sex) has put you in the captain's chair.

Every action you take from that point onwards is subconsciously scrutinized by her in order to make sure you are truly worthy of that leadership position. Every supplication, act of insecurity, or treatment of her like a true equal supports her doubt in your ability to lead, and this is what ultimately kills attraction and sexual desire.

Yet this seems so contrary to what I used to believe and what many men still believe. I thought that if a woman is routinely having sex with me, the game is already won. "She obviously 'likes" me, so now it's safe to 'open up’". Tell her my deepest thoughts. Establish that coveted "equal partnership and open communication” . Spend all my free time with her. Show her how I care. AKA complete loss of frame.

Of course, they'd all give me the "LJBF" or "I'm just not feeling the spark I used to" speech after a while. The most ironic thing is that women believe that this behavior (loss of frame) is something that they want. This is what's happening with comfort tests, complaints from plates that they "feel used", demands to spend more "meaningful time" together etc. She feels her lack of control, her vulnerability, and it scares her.

It’s like she put you at the captain's wheel and now you're steering the ship without valuing her input. The key to maintaining LTRs (and sometimes plates when they need comfort) is making her feel confident with your position at the wheel ("tingles"), but also making her feel like her input is heard. That input, however, should rarely influence your direction because if she feels too “in control”, the attraction will be killed.

You should always strive to maximize alpha while offering comfort on an as-needed basis. This is because a woman can recognize her own insecurity and ask you for comfort. It’s easy for you to give out and take away in discrete doses. You can actually gain power in the relationship by giving out just enough comfort to keep her around but still asking for more. She’ll always be chasing your commitment, yet never truly obtaining it (this is like blue balls for ladies, but also why LTRs and marriage are so difficult).

tl;dr: Maintain frame, but give her a glimpse of hope every now and then

SecularNotLiberal · 2016-03-13T21:56:42+00:00

Through some difficult questions and some work I've been doing on myself, I've realized a couple things:

1) As a woman, I do have a desire for unlimited "access"/control. I have some controlling tendencies that I recognize are harmful (and I am not even as bad as some women but it's still there) and my mother has the same tendencies although hers are much worse because she lacks the self-insight. We desire control, we desire things to go our way, etc. I have an extremely strong personality and this is something I've been aware of for a long time.

2) We want control but at the same time, we don't, not in the sense of respect. We always want access but won't respect a man who gives us that. Because I think we see that as a "giving in". Or at least to me, I understand that it's an urge that shouldn't be fulfilled, even if there is a part of me that wants it so freaking badly. This is so messed up. It's destructive if you don't realize this flaw within yourself.

3) I want the illusion/feeling of having control without actually HAVING control I need someone who, like me, has a strong personality and is willing and able to draw strong boundaries. Someone who is intelligent and communicates well with me so I can respect them. My boyfriend does this. He will not put up with any s__t and draws strong boundaries, but he will also humor me at times without compromising his own desires or those boundaries. He listens to me and also respects my own boundaries but won't let me nag or run amuck. At the same time, I also work on myself to be a better partner and to quell the destructive tendencies I may have.

But I respect him for his ability to have a balance, to have good, enforceable boundaries but also to humor me and please me at times.

Terribly sorry if my comment isn't welcome here and I went on and on, but your post is really good and it made me think about my current relationship and why we work well together, as well as the importance of self-insight. Good post man.

meh613 · 2016-03-13T21:07:59+00:00

they experience disgust

It's not so much disgust, as they take it for granted. Other than that, your piece is fine. Have an upvote, kind user.

Title	Freedom vs Access
Author	NeoreactionSafe
Upvotes	45
Comments	15
Date	March 13, 2016 3:09 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4a8m7e/freedom_vs_access/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/freedom-vs-access.56955 https://theredarchive.com/post/56955

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