Would like to preface this by saying that I've thought about writing this many times, but stopped for one reason or another. It was too soon, I hadn't learned enough, noone would be interested etc, but am writing this now as it was anecdotal stories that really hit home for me when I was finding TRP.

Two years ago I had been friends with a woman at work for around 6 months or so. We clicked, and started talking on the phone and now and again hanging out after work. I can genuinely say that during this time, I didn't have oneitis or was overly keen/calling all the time. She had many red flags that I was aware of which made oneitis an impossibility at the time. She was a single mother of two kids, a couple years older than me (M26 at the time) and had a relatively high body count. But i enjoyed her company.

At the time, women werent on my radar. I was in the process of saving as much money as I could, and had just started on losing weight. I was around 100kg at the time, and noticably 'chubby' especially in the face. Took up running here and there, and began to cut my diet. Looking back it was all basic level shit, I wasn't really trying that hard, and would have went nowehere with that plan. I was quite confident as a person, but with women I was attracted to, I would either not approach or mess it up. I knew something was wrong and needed changing, as this had been a stark difference to a few years ago when I was in shape and overly confident. I just didn't know what was needed to change.

Me and coworker eventually ended up sleeping together once. On one hand I was not attracted to her body, but as a person I was hooked. Looking back I would call it scarcity mentality. It was the intimate connection with another person I craved, so obviously I did something stupid soon after and paid for the majority of a weekend getaway. Money wasn't an issue for me, I wanted to go away on holiday, and she was available. I was winning. I felt happy for the first time in ages. That lasted a week.

Straight after booking the holiday, her attitude changed. She no longer wanted to hang out. She was colder, more distant. My gut noticed it, but I convinced myself it was nothing. A few hours before I was to pick her up to go to the airport, she messaged me to say she had a 'friend' round and was kicking him out and about to jump in the bath. I knew what it meant. I felt sick. The whole drive to the airport I was silent.

She tried to be as nice as she could, noticing my behaviour change. I was burning inside. I felt ashamed to be associated with her, and that I had been treated like a chump. I was the idiot going on holiday with her while another guy had just fucked and left hours before. We ended up having sex one of the nights, but I couldn't even finish. She was no longer the nice person with a quirky attitude. She was just a dirty whore.

My change

Straight after coming back, I was ready to ignore completely. But we worked together. And I knew people outside of work who knew her. It was a difficult situation. Every few days, she'd ping my phone to illicit a response. I was confused. If they didn't want me, why were they doing this? When i'd respond, they become distant. This is where I found TRP and started finding the answers. I also confided in a friend who was as red pill as one can be.

The final straw was when they eventually straight up asked for money for something we both used which had been put on her credit card. She had no shame. The whole reasoning for reaching out was to get more money off me? Not because of me, not because they felt bad or remorseful. A small amount of money.

I started hitting the gym, focusing on saving more money, and doing things I never would have before. My feeling was I had been crushed and embarrased, so nothing worse could happen.

A year and a half later

After that happened, I stopped talking to them. They would try and reach out now and again, but I knew what the game plan was now. On one occasion I felt they were trying to make me an orbiter so I aggresively lashed out. In hindsight it was a childish move, but fuck it.

I left the company we both worked at about 6 months later, didn't say goodbye. She messaged me a few times, and I left those messages on read.

I'm now earning more money, I look a lot different and my attitude and feelings towards women, and life in general are a lot different.

I got off lightly. This wasn't my gf, or my wife, I didn't have kids with her. She was the manifestation of every AWALT trait I've read or subsequently seen in other women. In the grand scheme of things, she is nothing to my life or my future, but Im glad this happened as I dont know where Id be if it had not.

Things I learned

  • Individual women don't matter and don't represent you as a person. If one doesn't want you, there are others.

  • Always work on bettering yourself. Not for a woman, but so that you have something to focus your time and attention on.

  • Never give them your full attention or any real access to your resources/time. They won't appreciate what it means to you.

  • Don't shit where you eat

  • It is better to be 'alone' than around someone who does not benefit your life, let alone attempts to bring it down.

  • Try to use a situation to your advantage, even if that is using a negative experience as fuel for the gym.