Through some self-reflecting and meditating I've found that I am a broken person. I've been hiding or for lack of a better word in denial about just how broken I am. Id often have memories pop up about my past that I would shove down deep back into my brain.

This morning I decided to let these feelings stay and to analyze them. And through the reflecting I found that I am not as healthy as I thought I was. I found that I put an image of myself out to the masses but I hide the real me inside. So I asked myself who is the real me?

The real me is someone who is needy, someone who wants to be loved the real me is just a little kid. A broken little kid who never felt the love of his mother and father due to how life played out. And I found that I have been searching for this love in all the wrong places. I found that when I try to find this love in relationships I tend to not believe the person when they say they do love me. But the truth is that I don't know how to FEEL loved, I only know how to give love and I give it freely.

I thought about the love part and I figured it wasn't a bad trait to be able to love and care about people. That thought brought me back to all my broken pieces and what I should do about them. I sat on this for a while when it came to me that I couldn't actually fix those broken pieces, they were already broken but they made me who I am today all those years spent alone with no parents were to prepare me for the life of an adult. So why am I changing now? Why is my armor cracking and my guard crashing down for all to see?

Well I think it's because I know that if I am going to grow as a person then I will need to look deep down into myself to get a better understanding of myself. When I am feeling stressed and bogged down or I feel like giving up when I'm working out I think to myself "if you can't control yourself, what can you control?" so there was my goal I had it in my sight my goal was to get a better grasp on my body and mind, what are my limits? What can I push through? How strong can I make this body of mine before I die?

Through my self-reflecting and meditating I had seen all my flaws and I didn't get upset and angry I just simply acknowledged them and understood that these parts of me are just FEELINGS. And through understanding that these are just feelings I could better identify when I am feeling off. And when these feelings arise I tell myself "hey Dat-tall_dude, you are ok. These are just feelings." And that helps me to continue on with my day and not follow those feelings down a path that would lead me astray.

Any thoughts insight is welcomed. Just wanted to share