People think charisma is some fantasy attribute that only a few genetically gifted individuals have. Supposedly making them “magnetic”, they have an “aura” about them. But fuck that noise, those who are “charismatic” would say that it is nothing more than a pattern of behavior; it triggers a predictable reaction in people. Behavioral patterns that can be learned and mastered. Charisma is a social skill, with some training it will send you to another social atmosphere. Charisma is only a side effect of being in the right mental state, it is an emergent property of a far deeper human characteristic.

The human brain is hardwired to respond to input from external stimulus. Providing the right stimulus causes “reward” neurotransmitters to release – dopamine/serotonin -- making you feel happier, lighter, and relaxed, creating a cascade of positive effects. This is what is meant by giving “value”. Provoking the wrong stimulus causes “stress” neurotransmitter/hormone release – cortisol -- making you feel anxious, sweaty, and triggering a negative cascade of effects. Just being in the presence of a tensed up person increases anxiety, a negative state of mind is not desirable. If you are in control of these mechanisms, you have access to far more power.

When you become the positive stimulus for people, you become associated with reward in their brain. Provide enough stimulus then the reward sensations are so overwhelming that you become their addiction. In a simple neurological context, that is Charisma.

Here’s a field report:

It's late at night and I'm heading out to chill with some friends at a local coffee shop. One of the members at this table is a cute Middle Eastern girl HB9, whom I have not yet met. My initial interpretation of the girl is that she is feminine, and well adjusted.

I already established eye-contact, my "invitation" for dialogue. If she holds for even a second longer than necessary, it is an indication that she “accepts” your invitation and wants to engage in more interaction. Learning to hold eye-contact is vital to being a social primate: it demonstrates high value, confidence, and openness. None of this. It is important to go out into coffee shops, grocery stores, take public transport and make eye contact with everyone. It will eventually lead to further interaction.

After making eye-contact, always acknowledge another beings existence with non-verbal communication to show that you are aware of their existence. When people feel that they are ignored it causes “stress”. Charismatic people are not stress inducers, but “reward” inducers. When eye-contact is strong, provide a nonverbal gesture of friendliness ie. Head nods/smirk/smile/wink etc. These gestures are fine-tuned by hanging out with confident males at the gym, frats, work, pubs/restaurants, basically anywhere people exist. Nonverbal gestures vary according to geographical location, which is why reading shit on the internet does not help, go out and practice in your local area to adjust, be mindful of those who lead: watch body language, tonality, octave, noise level, distance between peers etc.

As I approached the table, give strong eye-contact, a small smirk, and as I enter the range for verbal communication I greet my friends with open, positive body language. Compare the body language of people in your life, what’s open and what’s closed? Greet people with positivity and openness.

After this comes a process I call reward reciprocation someone in the group is bound to reciprocate your actions more than others. Reward them for it, I gave my friend (first follower) a one armed handshake/hug thing. Acknowledgement triggers feelings of acceptance and connectedness. Physical contact = giving value/reward. I want to keep the new HB9 of the group included also, so I ask the first follower to introduce me to HB9.

This forces a new 3-way interaction. He introduced me, she introduces herself, and physical contact is established between me and HB9 through a handshake (lingering with stronger eye contact and glancing at her lips to stimulate arousal - a specific type of neurological reward). I don’t have to do the work of making an introduction, he does it for me nigguh. Call it pre-selection.

Within 10 seconds I have rewarded the group with a positive greeting, rewarded my first follower with physical/friendly gestures, aroused the HB9 and isolated into a smaller group within the bigger group. Now I have an opportunity to game the girl heavily because I forced an intimate conversations between 3 people.

Change is stressful for everyone. If you enter the environment without disrupting everyone, you are supplicating to the group. If you are disrupting everyone, you are not giving a fuck about the group. Choose who you want to be. There are times when you need to be alpha and completely dominate the environment with your gorilla like presence. Territorial claims are alpha behavior. These non-verbal gesture are more important than any poetic verbal bullshit. Women are more attentive to social cues than men, if you can change the world around them, and control your "territory" their monkey brain will internalize that. I grab a chair and sit across from HB9 and my first follower so that we could converse. When the attention is on you, most people crumble because they forget that attention needs to be shared.

Which is why it is important to narrate the conversation, not your story. You are curious about people and want to hear their stories. People love talking about themselves, if you can make them feel good about talking about themselves to you, you’ve won. I engage my follower and implant an idea in his head. “We need to do this more often, remember that time at your place when we just smoked hookah till 3 AM?” The tone is curious and questioning. It’s excellent to have stories involving the other person to create positive imagery/nostalgia in their minds. He’s hooked, and ready to talk all night, all you have to do is make sure that the HB9 gets a few words in everyone once in a while by probing each of them.

I am not focused on being funny/charming/leading, I am not focused on what I should say. I am focused on listening and giving some nonverbal and verbal validation to encourage them to speak. Girls are often like children in this case, you need to encourage them to speak by giving them silence and attention. Lean in, and lean back out, paraphrase and rephrase, question and suggest ideas, play devil’s advocate or play good cop. It’s all a game, just be curious about them and the most natural version of you will also come out. When you are being curious, and exploring another person’s mind, you will naturally become funny/exciting/good at conversation. Anything you “say” is perfect once the stage is set.

Do not argue, you will never win friends/lovers/clients by arguing, there are better ways to get what you want.

The conversation moves from topic to topic, when I felt an awkward pause I told her to smell my coffee because it smells like French vanilla (this is a stupid excuse to force her to comply to my demands, she bends over backwards). Compliance tests are tools in your repertoire. When you tell someone to do something, always give them a reason why they should comply (Do XYZ because ABC). Then, reward her for complying (smile, laugh, touch, arouse etc.) Telling someone to do something for you also gets people to like you (Ben Franklin effect). This compliance test also has the additional benefit of triggering her sense of smell (a pleasant one too).

I slide the cup over and she takes a whiff. Her eyes are locked into mine and she smells it and as she slides it back, I keep eye contact locked, and make sure to touch her hand on the sleeve of the cup gently (arousing her more with touch and smell). She smiles and her eyes are dilated. I let my eyes wander to her lips and back to her eyes. Game over, now I can do basically whatever I want. The willingness to comply, eye contact, dilated pupils, and gentle touching is primate behavior that repeats itself over and over again, just start looking for it.

From this point on escalate physically with tact. The three of us maintain a conversation but under the table I am gently starting to play footsie she’s complying. This secrecy in a group is so incredibly arousing to anyone. If you can look like you’re having a normal conversation but under the table, you are feeling her up and down, it’s a huge turn on. Total elapsed time from meeting to playing footsie under the table: 9 minutes.

This is longer than I was expecting. Part 3 coming soon. We end up returning to my place. I am learning a lot about my own behavior through this retrospection. It might help you too.

TLDR: Being Charismatic is a trainable skill that will make your mental state a magnet for others. Make eye contact, give nonverbal acknowledgement, give verbal acceptance, morph the environment to your liking, narrate the conversation by giving others attention, compliance test, escalate physically.